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| "Hi-Oh, Silver! Awaaaaaay!" - I'm Out Like The Lone Ranger |
Well, I did it...
I escaped.
It took a while, and my plans didn't go as planned, but I was able to get the hell out of that crazy-ass "relationship".
If you read my two earlier posts, then you know a couple of bad things (like this Coronavirus and people moving in on me and running my bills up) had to happen in order for my plot to run away from home to be successful. But, I wrote down my "Goals" and kept updating my "To-Do List" constantly to stay on track.
* Even when things didn't happen when they were supposed to happen, I stayed the course.
* Even when it seemed like I only had "bad luck", I kept visualizing the end goal.
* I prayed.
My co-workers and "friends" doubted me. They thought I was in love and really didn't want to get out of that "relationship".
I know it was difficult for them to listen to my perpetual sob story and me not take heed to their advice, but I couldn't stop talking about it anyway. It was killing me inside, and I had to keep talking about it - even when I didn't want to. Often, it just came out. It was rage building up inside of me...
The reasons why it took me so long to get out of that mess were because:
I was often depressed and didn't have the energy or focus to be able to work on improving myself. I really needed a break and a lot of time off, because I just couldn't focus or think.
I was stressed out at work (due to lazy people and poor management) and then had to go to home to more stress. I felt like I was walking through the fire pits of Hell.
Sometimes, I would daydream instead of taking action (to work towards my goal).
I was afraid of making a move at the wrong time, and of dealing with the consequences. I couldn't think things through. And, sometimes, I didn't write things down, so I was unsure of myself. Don't let this happen to you.
I didn't want to evict anyone or throw a woman and her two daughters (who never saw their fathers) out into the streets. I was trying to look out for my fellow man.
But, another reason:
I wasn't sure if I was making the right moves at the right times.
I had to constantly stop my plans and hide what I believed I needed to do. Although, I posted my goals on the wall in the hallway (along with a few other goals), I still had to keep my journey a secret to keep the arguments and interrogations down to a minimum.
I wasn't sure if I actually WAS the problem and was blaming them for my unhappiness, so I second-guess myself often.
I often felt guilty about giving up on the "relationship" and about not wanting to be a "family man".
I loved my job too much to quit. And, I as long as I was working, she knew I was making money. And, she knew I was going to make sure my bills were paid and the lights, water, and cable would be on.
And the final reason (for this list):
I was loyal to people who didn't give a damn about me and who are not loyal to me. Loyal and Generous to my own hurt. Sacrificing for people who would watch me fall and turn their backs on me rather than help me up.
These things used to eat me up every single day for over five years. So much so, that almost everyone kept talking about how thin I looked and how I lost a lot of weight.
Some days, I would be so deep into my thoughts (my issues) that I guess I would seem "out of it" and people would ask me if I was "okay". I got annoyed with people asking me if I was "okay". But, you know how it is when you're depressed or something is weighing heavy on your mind, you don't want to talk about it. You're just engulfed in trying to figure it out yourself. Sometimes, you feel like no one wants to hear complaints all the time. Sometimes, you just don't want to ruin the vibe, so you keep quiet about your problems. And when people ask you, "how you're doing," you're almost always going to say "I'm okay," or "Everything is fine."
If you are one of these people, whose life is so miserable that you can't stand it, and it's bringing you down, then you've got to hold on and consider your options.
If you can't write them down, try to visualize them, what you need to do, and keep it all in your head. Word-for-word.
Dealing with a lot of drama, stupidity, and B.S.; This is just no way for anybody to live.
How could you possibly be the best you can be if your vibe and energy level is almost always down?
How can you ever realize your dreams and live The Good Life if your mind is always filled with troubles?
Sometimes, we get so caught-up in the way we're living that we forget to keep moving forward - to keep striving for something better. We forget how to tune-out the B.S. and use patience. Without doing these things, we allow our immediate environment to dictate who we are, what we're about, and what level we're on. And, how we live.
Although, I know I'm a pushover in my romantic relationships, I have never felt like I was inferior or some run-of-the-mill type of guy. I'm just more laid-back, and I try not to judge people - no matter how weird or irrational they are.
You can be laid-back too, but don't forget what you want out of life and what you have to do to achieve those goals. Don't settle for crap.
Don't allow yourself to become passive or too comfortable in a bad situation. Don't think that arguing and animosity will always benefit you or help you have the last word. Be smart. Use tact. And stay proactive about your life. Handling your business. Being prepared. Thinking weeks, months, or years ahead.
Think about what you can do on your end to make things better.
And, once you try to "compromise" and show a little more love, if they don't accept it, then put your plans into motion - And, without revenge or animosity controlling your actions and decisions.
Keep it peaceful.
None of the stuff you have to split is worth your peace of mind and to be rid of the drama once and for all. Give'em what they want, what you don't really need, and move on with your life. If it's meant to be, you'll get more stuff and you won't have to share it with anybody.
And, as you go out into this New World that you now own, you will begin to see how much better things are without all of that drama and baggage.
The main thing is to keep your interactions civil - even if it's for show. Do it. Sometimes, it confuses your enemy and they forget that you two hate each other, and they'll start being a little more considerate and civil in return.
That's how it was with us.
The final draw was when she told me to "get out of the room." But, five minutes later, we had no beef. We were cool and peaceful... That's how we always were.
I still called a real estate investor and signed a contract, though. You don't tell me to get out of a room in My House. And, I'm providing you with a place to stay and giving you and your family my money. And, you can't manage a household, F that. It's time for everybody to go, I'm shuttin' this joint down.
Up until the last day, we were cool. I had to lie my ass off, but you know that sometimes the truth can hurt, so I put on a show in order to spare us the drama and emotions.
A month later, I was sitting at the closing table, signing my house over to its new owners. And, we still ended peacefully. Hugs, handshakes, and a hearty "hi-oh Silver away". I was out. And happy as hell.
I quit my job. I quit that situation. And, I quit allowing myself to live below my standards and potential.
You can do it too! I'm not saying give-up everything you have. I'm saying, what ever you do, Focus on what you want and need out of life, out of your relationship, and within yourself. Write down your goals and how you plan to accomplish them. Make a "to-do list" to stay on track. And, measure your progress by checking off your accomplishments.
You might have to alter your plans or have a few setbacks, but if you stay on course, things will work out - usually.
I'm loving my new bachelor pad. It's a rental, so I don't feel totally free, but at least there's no drama, no loud noises, no intrusions, or catering. It's just me. And, I can live however I want without anybody judging me or sharing an opinion I don't give a damn about. I'm the King of this Castle.
Your life can be better than this.
If you're going through a depression, it will be hard, but you must be open to being inspired and motivated. Try to avoid sulking or living in fear or anger. One step at a time. Direct you energies toward planning and goal-setting. Don't allow the bad memories to distract you. Focus on what you have to do to improve your life from this point forward.
What you want to be and why.
Don't wait for things to get better, because then, you're settling and HOPING things will get better. And, they won't get better unless you change your mindset, your attitude, and take action.
If you believe you can have a passionate relationship, then have it! Work at it. Make the effort from all levels - flirting, being spontaneous, gifting every now and then, having some intellectual conversations, being more considerate, being quiet sometimes, whatever it takes... That's if you believe what you have can be better.
The reason why I keep urging you over and over to try and make it work is because, the public never knows how things are going to turn out. We're on the outside looking in. We can't predict the future. And, every situation is different. Only YOU may have an Intuition or a gut feeling about how things are going to end up with this person, so that's why it's up to you to think things through, and weigh your options, your resources, and make a decision.
Lots of Luck and Blessings To You!
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You are welcome to share your opinion,
suggestion, or personal story on Love.QnA. Most articles, interviews,
videos, vlogs, stories, jokes, and documentaries can be found on various
dating sites and YouTube sites here on the Internet. I focus on toxic
relationships and relationship drama in order to turn the negatives of a
relationship into positives. My main goal is to help others find a
compatible partner/team player OR see the positives of being single and
enjoying the single life.
