In the early 2000s, a co-worker and friend met a sweet guy and fell in love with him. But, little did she know, he was still seeing his baby-mama. Now, before you call this rascal any names or defame his character, my friend said she KNEW about his relationship with his baby-mama and believed he would easily be able to end things romantically since he wanted out of that relationship.
A little while later, my friend became pregnant. So, did her new boyfriend's baby-mama. He had'em BOTH knocked-up.
She was heartbroken. And, she was angry. She mad at his baby-mama. She said that his baby-mama was controlling him and using their first baby (as a bargaining chip) to keep him in the relationship. But! She also realized how dumb she was and during a lunch break with a group of us outside sitting at a picnic table, she asked, "Why do men cheat? Why can't they be honest? If he still liked her, why didn't he just tell me in the beginning?"
Now... if I had been drinking at the time she asked this question, I would've been brutally honest and said, "Because you're cute and got a phat ass."
But, luckily I was at work and didn't respond right away.
A couple of people blurted out: "All men cheat." and "Men are always cheating."
There were a few more suggestions, but it has been a while since that day, and I can't remember them right now. But, my friend kept talking me a few days straight after that. She was sad and depressed, and kept telling me (and anyone else who would listened) everything that was going on inside of this love triangle.
This guy was playing them both. Either he was a "waffler" who was indecisive about which girl he wanted. Or, he just wanted them both, and believed he could make the two relationships work.
After a few weeks, he told my friend that he and his ex (his other baby-mama) were through. But, not long after he told her this lie, she got into an altercation with the other baby-mama (whom he left with). This was the biggest "sucker-punch" she had ever experienced in her life. And, after she told me about this, she asked me personally, "why do men cheat."
I tried to explain it to her, but as I've said before, I'm not a good conversationalist or speaker, so although I told her what I believed he was (which was indecisive and possibly greedy), I didn't know how to tell her about the mistakes she had made. But, I didn't ask the right questions to find out either.
I let her know also that no one could tell her exactly what her "boyfriend" was thinking except him. He was the ONLY one who could really say why he was cheating back and forth between both women.
After awhile, she finally broke free of the love-triangle. But, she was going to keep the baby, so they would still be in contact. But, at least, she wasn't stressed anymore. This had nothing to do with me. I didn't help her at all. It was all her. After awhile, she just saw "the light". The dude was a bum who was just playing games, and he cheated on his first baby-mama. That's all it was. She just got caught in the crossfire. He would've done it with anyone. She just happened to be the unlucky victim.
In the meantime, I had been reflecting and making notes about my past experiences, conversations, and observations. And, in 2004 or 2005, I wrote an unpublished book about "why men and women cheat." That's where all of this information comes from. But, it's only a small fraction of the book and an even smaller resource of my notes. I'll post all of it here later for you to re-use or remix, so stay tuned.
20 Signs He Or She Is Cheating
50 Reasons Why Men And Women Cheat
Why Cheating Is So Hard To Stop
How A Good Relationship Goes Bad
Major Factors Of Cheating
Common Factors Of Cheating
Why Men And Women Cheat For Sex - 1
Why Men And Women Cheat For Sex - 2
Why Men And Women Cheat For Sex - 3
Why This Crusade Against Cheating? - 1
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