Fantasizing Over Old Love Or An Ex Can Bring You Down

I was thinking about this post a lot over the past couple of months.

I kept wondering "what's so bad about reminiscing over Old Love?" And to be honest, there are some good points and some bad points.

Sure, we learn from our mistakes and the things that we do right in our past relationships - and that's a good thing because it helps improve our intuition and instincts. But, how do the memories and the good times that we miss affect us negatively?

Let me share this with you:

Sometimes I DO think about past relationships, Ex-girlfriends, old Admirers, and one-night stands that could've turned into beautiful long-term relationships...

Sometimes I wonder about "what could've been".

Sometimes I think about old love and shake my head thinking: "I let a Good Girl walk right out of my life."

Sometimes I wonder What would my life would have been like if I had committed myself to that special girl.

"Where would we be now?"

"Maybe I'd be a lot better off."

"Maybe I'd be a lot happier."

"Maybe we'd both be happier."

"Maybe I'd be more successful." Or, at least, living a better life.

I can't help thinking about those things sometimes...

A lot of us think about the "what ifs". "What if I had done this or did that or blah, blah, blah..."

But one can't sit around thinking about stuff like that all the time. Or, "living in the past". It'll only make you miserable and keep you from growing. It will make you despise your life.

It may even keep you from moving forward in your new relationship. Or, improving your CURRENT relationship.

I'd be in denial and misleading you if I said that one or more of those "old flames" aren't thinking about you right now, because I'm 100% sure that at least ONE of those past lovers ARE thinking about you. It's a fact. You see the proof in those "on again-off again relationships". I'm talking about the types that are LONG-TERM "on again-off again relationships".

The type of relationship in which "couples" will date or be "friends with benefits" for months or years, then stop seeing each other for months or years, then date again for weeks, months, or years - even though they are married to someone else or involved with someone else - then, not see each other for a while, then (MAYBE), hook-up again.

They're not compatible enough to be a "real couple". But, they can't stop thinking about each other all the time. They can't seem to let each other go.

Or, one is simply using the other one for sex and companionship as they would use a convenient store for a hot dog or a cup of coffee. That's the case sometimes too.

But, I'd be lying if I said reconnecting with an Ex or reuniting with an Ex would ruin your life. Only Time and Circumstance can say for sure.

BUT!

Do you really want to ruin the good thing you have right now sobbing over something that may never happen? Or, something that might not bring any real benefits into your life? Or, something that may not be what you imagine and dream that it would be???

Do you really want to put your life on hold, neglect your lover (or family), or put all of your mental energy into someone you might not ever see again? Or, someone who may have moved on with their life? Or, someone who may have completely changed?

It's sad to say, but there are a lot of people out there that fantasize and daydream about their old high school days and grade school days and their old "puppy-love" relationships instead of trying to deal with their current reality and the love they have right now. And, the old flame that they're reminiscing over and fantasizing about might not be thinking about them at all. And, even if the old flame IS thinking about this "dreamer", the old flame might not be worth a damn... People change. He or she might not look the same, act the same, or have the same personality.

These dreamers need to wake-up and stop all of this fantasizing and living in the past and move on with their lives.

Instead, they're searching high and low on the Internet (and on Facebook) and taking notice of every "familiar" face on the street they see trying to find that old girlfriend or boyfriend or lover and it does nothing but make them more detached from their current life.

If it's meant to happen, it will happen. Let it happen. Don't waste your life searching for old love. You may be disappointed.

Don't make the situation you're in worse by neglecting your current life and reminiscing over your old life. You can make this love-life great by putting more effort and love into it - providing it doesn't suck like hell and you and your current lover are compatible.

The relationship (or marriage) you're in right now could be the greatest love-affair of your life if you gave it half a chance.

Yeah, I know, it's easier said than done.

You don't have to tell me that. I know from experience. Almost every girl I date, commit to, or consider approaching, I compare to an Ex or to my experience of past relationships. I know what I want and what I DON'T want. But, the reality is: You really never know what you're gonna get or how much what you want and need has changed until you're DEEPLY engaged and involved in your new relationship, new Lover, NEW life. So, I do all I can to fight those old memories. Sometimes it works. Sometimes, it don't. Sometimes, I go back to an Ex - for fun or to find Love. So far, it's only been all "fun". I haven't found anything beyond that.

Other people have been luckier, but it's all "chance". You can't predict Love or who you'll love.

That old flame (or Ex) may bring some thrills and excitement back into your life and boost your self-esteem but there's a chance he or she might not. You may be happier with the person you're with right now.

That old squeeze may have become something or someone you don't like and shatter your dreams and fantasies and vision of a utopia long gone.

This guy at work was telling me about an Ex he once loved 20 years ago. They dated for less than a year but he admitted that he still thought of her sometimes. Even when he was married. Now, he's divorced. He has a new girlfriend. And, this old flame found him on Facebook. She's been thinking about this guy every now and then too. She told him she wanted to see him. She wanted to get back together or at least see each other again because she is still in love. But, this guy was shocked when she mentioned that she was lonely and that her husband is sick and dying. And, she has several children now. And, a few of them are young children...

Now, he admits that he still wants to see this woman and possibly hook-up with her again. But, I think his love for her has diminished. And, I think either way she will end up with a broken heart. He says he's gonna see her again but he doesn't think he's gonna stick around. Especially since the husband is sick and dying.

He's surprised that she is willing to cheat under the circumstances because he knows FROM THE PAST she is a good girl, but at the same time, he is willing to see her because he fantasizes and reminisces over what they once had.

I think he is already a little disappointed and she will have a rude awakening when she finds out how disappointed he really is. He's not gonna put a lot of effort into starting something new with her and a bunch of kids. This guy is in his forties. He's got teenage kids. His girlfriend has teenage kids. Do you think he wants to start over again with a handful of toddlers???

It's not gonna last...

It's sad but true.

That's Life.

Don't stop and daydream or you could miss out on what's going on around you right now. Don't fantasize about the past.

People change, situations change, lifestyles change, interests change, beliefs change, habits change, personalities change.

Your hopes and dreams may be shattered.

You may actually be turned-off by what you see. That's been the case many times too. Not just with me but with lots of folks.

And, even if you DO hook-up with an old flame and he or she is still Hot, be sure this "NEW" Love is not going to ruin your life or bring you down. Be sure the rewards are worth the risk.

If you're single, you may not have much to lose except time and money. But, those who are involved had better think hard before they make that leap, go back to an old love, and give up the good thing they've got.

I know I'm sending mixed signals with this so let me conclude this post with a few points:

1. Don't put your lover or life on hold fantasizing about old love. You might be MORE disappointed.

2. Don't run to old love to save you from the misery you're in now. You might waste a lot of precious time and GOOD times. Try to improve the relationship you have right now (if you've thought about it and feel there's a chance it's worth improving).

3. The 14th REASON People WILL CHEAT is because they believe they're in love with an old flame. This particular person could be an old friend from school, an Ex from school, or a summer fling.

Whatever you do, don't live in the past. It may make you miserable and hate your life. Live, have fun, and get the most out of all you have right now.

- loveqna

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Michael Jackson - Remember The Time



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