Feeling Like Life Is Passing You By? Just Stop Wasting Your Time.

 Video: "Holding Back The Years" - Simply Red

 

 

Video provided by -  Simply Red

 

 

(Sometime in August...)

 

I wish I could tell you a fascinating story about the last 5 or 6 years of my life, but to be honest, the most important - and saddest - thing that happened to me was a revelation (or an "awakening") I experienced last week.

Before I tell you what happened, I just want to make something perfectly clear: I'm not a motivational coach. Nor am I a life coach. And, I'm 100% certain you have already heard the point of what I'm about to say.

And, if I start preachin', forgive me.

But, I'm gonna say it anyway because it's still important. And, you should take heed or you will suffer and hate yourself later in life if you don't.

Hell, you might even regret how you lived your life if you don't pay attention to this wisdom.

And, before I tell you what happened to me and go off on a rant, let me just say this...

Although the World is full of jerks, jackasses, and slobs (people who just plain lazy as hell), there are still some good people among them and the rest of us; People who are willing to help others in a time of need; People who will donate their time, money, tools, or other resources. You are probably one of those people who will give your last dime or the shirt off your back to help a friend (or stranger) in need...

There is nothing wrong with this. It's a blessing for you to help someone when you can.

Not only will the Lord bless you at some point, but it just makes you feel good when you have the courage or power to help your fellow man or woman and everything turns out good for them in the end.

But, here's the reality: "You can't save everybody."

There are people who will ask for your help or a favor, but their hearts and minds are full of deceit.

All those bums know how to do is manipulate. The feel like they HAVE to do it because it is the right way to survive in life. Seriously. And, some of them CHOOSE to manipulate "The System" and everybody else because they are too lazy to work for themselves. They don't want to be stuck inside a cubicle all day. They don't want to stand at a cash register all day. They don't want to burden themselves with walking around helping customers all day - or, picking up boxes, or trash, or using their brain. They'd rather be at home (or at a convenience store) sitting around yappin' all day and doing nothing. It's a fact. We've all seen those lazy-ass sloppy rascals. They come in every shape, size, gender, and color...

But, even if you didn't have these bums hounding you for your hard-earned cash, you should still consider what the future may hold. The fact is, most of us aren't psychic and don't know what's going to happen in the days ahead.

But, we do know (although most of us forget) that we are going to have to deal with some type of B.S. or unforeseen need, repair, replacement, a bill, or whatever, in the future, and you have to try to prepare for it. It's a fact of life. You will ALWAYS have issues to deal with.

I know you love helping people - especially you loved-ones - and it makes you feel proud that you can give them money or something when they need it, but you can't put yourself in jeopardy for someone else who has chosen to live beyond their means or who won't work or who would rather keep their trinkets than to use them as collateral to get the money they need to get back on their feet.

I know you think I'm being to heavy-handed or cold-hearted, but I'm saying this because I NEVER considered my future when I was giving my time, money, and favors to others. 

I NEVER considered my future when I was a "people-pleaser" and "too soft" to say "No."

Even when I knew I didn't owe anybody anything and had my own personal business or tasks or errands I needed to take care of, I'd still allow myself to be intruded upon, and do whatever my relatives, or friends, or co-workers, even acquaintances, wanted me to do.

 

Even when I knew that helping someone else would put me in a bind or make me late, I would still be patient, generous, or give a helping hand.

Sometimes, this would piss me off because I would miss the opportunity to do what I needed to do, or it would piss me off because I got sick and tired of people asking me for help, and I'd hate to tell them "No" or "I had plans", or whatever. But, it was my fault. I was "too nice".

But, I also did it, because there were times when others helped me when I needed help. Even when I told them I didn't want to intrude or I would "figure out something," they would still give me a helping hand, so that is another reason I gave a helping hand to others.

But, you can't make "giving" your life's work.

This last crazy-ass situation I found myself in was due to me feeling sorry for a chick that I was "kickin' it" with. The poor slob was having trouble getting back and forth to work, and since we had been intimate a few times (and, she seemed to have potential), I decided to let her move in.

This girl made me think she was the most sweetest, classiest, hard-working woman on the planet. She was talking crap like she was a straight-up "ride or die" chick. Like she was loyal and devoted. Like she was ambitious and had goals.

Plus, she gave me a sob story about how she was abused in her last relationship, and about how her ex-boyfriend was sorry as hell and let the lights and water get turned off by the utility company for failure to pay the bills... She claimed he would start arguments for no reason... all kinds of B.S.

And, my dumbass fell for it.

Hell, after 6 months, all that crap she was talking about him really seemed like she was talking about herself. Hell, I don't know about him, but SHE was the one with a police record for assaulting people.

She wasn't a Ride Or Die Chick at all. She quit working 3 or 4 months after we were together and then started running the bills up. I was taking my laptop, cameras, and watches to the pawnshop to get loans for them. (I'm glad I had to use my laptop to get a loan, because she kept asking me if she could use it. I knew I'd never get it back in the same condition.) She talked like she just hated that job, and PRETENDED like she was looking for work somewhere else for about two weeks. The next thing I knew, she was just sitting on the couch everyday watching TV. 

To be honest, the fact that she wasn't working didn't bother me. But, she couldn't manage a household either. She didn't try to keep the bills in check. Then, she got another dog. That's another expense. And, there were always people coming to house with their radios booming while I was trying to get rested for work. It was just all kinds of B.S. every damn day. And, that ain't even the tip of the iceberg. 

 

But, anyway, she played my ass to the Max! LOL.... For Real... My game is tight, but I really got caught slippin' because I was being too nice. 

But, like I said, that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg...

It's all of these people crammed into this little house. It's all of these dogs (now 3 of them) barking every 10 minutes and taking up one of my bedrooms. It's people arguing every morning. It's the police coming to MY house every time they come to the neighborhood. It's her waking up every morning with an attitude fussin' about everything and anything. It's about all the loud-ass conversations that I can hear in my room from her friends and family members who are outside and in the backyard. It's about the racial comments about certain groups that I can't stand listening to or being around. It's about these high-ass water and light bills (over $800 this month.... yeeeaahhhh.) And, it's about me having no privacy, motivation, or ability to concentrate while all this B.S. is going on around me. And, I'm back in debt again (over $20,000) messing with these moochers.

 

And, THAT STILL AIN'T EVEN THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG!

 

So, I've tried to start meditating once again... But, I'm not having much success. It's only when I'm wide awake between 1am to 4am in the morning that I can really focus or think. And, the other night while I was sitting outside on the steps, I suddenly felt distressed. I really felt empty. I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything. I was in a situation worse than if I was homeless and had nothing. My life was in total disarray and chaos. I had given these people all of my power, peace, joy, and freedom.

Any money I got had to go to bills. And, nobody here is helping me or contributing. They're all enjoying the fruits of my labor, but I can't enjoy shit. The only thing I can do is stress about my house and my credit. And soon, all of these things will be one month behind for the first time.

Five years... MORE than five years of my life gone down the damn drain. 

 

I had some very promising options when I started this journey six years ago. I bought this cozy little cottage on the East Side - right smack in one of the sweetest locations in Charlotte. I had friends coming over to chill and "chop it up" with me. My credit was looking good. I was about to start a side hustle. My little mamasita had my back and was ready and willing to help me out, and I didn't even have to make a phone call...

Life Was Good.

 

And, one act of kindness (stupidity really) screwed it all up.

 

So, the point is this: Most of the time in life, you have to do what's best for YOU. Look out for yourself. Consider your own needs and happiness. Think about what you want and what's best for YOU. 

 

Pay attention to your gut instincts. 

 

Think before you make a crucial decision. Ask yourself "what will happen if I let this girl or guy live with me?" What is his or her personality like? How well do I really know this person? Is he or she a contributor, a moocher, or a manipulator? Do I have an exit plan or money if I need to move out? Can I move or will I have to put him or her out?

 

How much Drama does this person bring to the table? How balanced is the power between you two? How smart is this person? Is he or she materialistic and selfish?

 

Are you spoiling this person? Are you enabling this person to be a bum? Are you so passive and/or laid-back that you allow this person to be the worst person that they can be for you? You're not helping yourself or your goals when you do stuff like this. I can tell you because I did it, and I've seen others do it. And then, we get mad at the bum for being worthless when really, it's our own fault for enabling them to be slack and dependent on us.

I don't want to make you feel paranoid, but you should think about what's best for you sometimes. 

Sometimes, you have to say "No".

 

If you have a family - your OWN family; not your Mom and Dad's family, but YOUR family - then, that's yours. It's something that belongs to you. Do what's best for you and YOUR family. Don't overly give to others and put your stuff (you and YOUR family) in need, stress, or poverty, because that can create drama as well.

 

You can't be overly nice. Have some backbone. Consider your blessings and show that you're grateful for it. Keep building and growing what you have. Don't give away your peace of mind and all that you have just to be nice - or, because you feel obligated. If you ain't got it, you just ain't got it! PERIOD.

If you have bills, that's not your money to give to others. It belongs to the company you owe. Don't give your bill money away other people. Pay your bills so that you and your family can feel at ease. It's one less thing you have to be concerned about it.

 

Now, if you're living with someone who is ungrateful, then that's on them. All you can do is try to help them see your goal, vision, and understand teamwork. But, be wise and certain that you're putting in the effort of understanding as well. Sometimes, a little compromise or a little more loving can go a long way.

 

If he or she STILL doesn't want to contribute or listen to reason, then you know it's time to seek counseling or find a way out to try to rebuild your life.

Don't let the stress or depression take you down. Don't let it kill your drive or motivation. Don't waste your life like I just did. 

Yeah, it's a blessing to do good and to be good to people, but you are also blessed so that you can be good to yourself.

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You are welcome to share your opinion, suggestion, or personal story on Love.QnA. Most articles, interviews, videos, vlogs, stories, jokes, and documentaries can be found on various dating sites and YouTube sites here on the Internet. I focus on toxic relationships and relationship drama in order to turn the negatives of a relationship into positives. My main goal is to help others find a compatible partner/team player OR see the positives of being single and enjoying the single life.