Nelly Furtado - I'm Like A Bird
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I've lost my will to live. I feel like I just want to lay in this bed and die for the rest of my life...
Having a broken heart is hell.
Although... I don't know if my heart is really broken. Maybe it's just disappointment... I don't know...
I'm just de-motivated.
Or, un-motivated.
Hell, I just don't have any energy. My desire to blog and write has left me.
I feel like a deflated balloon... drifting, falling, rising, wandering aimlessly looking for a place to die.
I've never realized it before, but one of the worst feelings in the world is to be in a close relationship with someone you know in your heart is "perfect" for you as a partner or lover and to be rejected by him or her romantically, although, the BOTH of you are looking for someone to love.
Here you are willing to give all of yourself completely to this person - to be honest, faithful, devoted, supportive, and everything else, and he or she is looking past you still searching for something else like you have no value. Or, like you're just uninteresting.
The bum is getting used, abused, rejected, stood-up, cussed-out, and kicked to the damn curb and he or she STILL won't take a chance with you. ??? Like: wtf??? Am I a leper or something???
And, it's not that the only thing you have to offer is a great personality. You may be cute, attractive, or have your finances and life essentials (like your car, home, and job) in order, and you might have some style and class about yourself, yet and still, it's not good enough for more than a friendship.
And, the craziest thing about all of this is: You could do better.
It's not like this douchebag is top-shelf. But... he (or she) has all of the qualities (or that one unique quality) you like and admire, so you can't resist and it's driving you insane.
What do you do about a situation like that?
I've always said it's not always easy to just pick yourself up and move on from a relationship. Sometimes, you can easily walk away, sometimes you can't. Some people can't leave a relationship no matter how heart-breaking and/or stressful it is.
The bum may not be all that attractive or kind or thoughtful - or even useful - but, when he or she has all of the qualities you've ever wanted and hoped for in a man or woman, it's like they've been put here especially for you... Like a blessing from God... And, you feel like you have to make the most of it (this blessing) before it's too late. Like you can't let this opportunity pass you by or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
So, your mind churns and turns. Anxiety takes hold. You're restless. You can't focus... All you can do is hope and wait and pray that he or she finally opens his or her eyes and recognize this opportunity also. And the more time that passes by, the more anxious and grief-stricken you feel.
It's even worse when you're close friends, because you're around this person often and he or she is running around pursuing prospects and dates and smooching or having sex with various scumbags and not giving you the chance to make love, or show your love, or sway his or her opinion before some worthless jerk (or chickenhead) comes into the picture and ruins everything.
It just takes everything out of you... Drains your spirit. And, there's not much you can do about it.
I ain't too proud to beg, but I'd have to be at my wits end before I started that crap.
So, I'm just laying here... waiting to die before I have to get up and go to work.
If she wasn't a "ride-or-die" chick, I could care less. But a woman with those qualities are hard to come by. And, she has them all. Intelligence. Drive. Courage. Determination. Devotion. Supportive. Sex-Appeal. Charm.... I could run down the entire list, but you know what I mean.
With a girl like that on your side it's like being involved in the Ultimate Relationship: like "Bonnie and Clyde".
That's what most guys want. AND, what a lot of women out there want. Even THIS chick! Ever since I've known her, that's been one of the most important ideals on her mind - to have a "Bonnie and Clyde" type of relationship.
That dumb broad... We have so much in common.
Anyway...
Now, you can get an idea of why I'm going crazy and why it's hard for me to simply move on.
I only hope she opens her eyes soon so that we can pursue and conquer our dreams together before she throws herself away on some jerk who only wants her to be a submissive handmaid.
I don't know... I thought it was a blessing, but it could also be the devil tormenting me.
- loveqna
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