I'm not a dating expert, BUT I have had some success at meeting and dating so, what I'm about to show you is from experience. As an added bonus, I'll tell you about the successes of other guys and gals I've witnessed approach and meet potential mates. These people have had a lot of success with dates and a few of them have even wound up married...
Here are the basics:
It's all in your personality and style. You have to care about yourself. You have to have fun and enjoy life. When guys and gals see you having fun and enjoying life, it's attractive. It shows you have confidence and that you love Life. Work out, socialize - a lot, make sure your hair looks good, be self sufficient to get your respect, make sure the clothes you wear look good on you, and don't be afraid to flirt, joke, and compliment. Speak and say "hello" to everyone you meet. Do this and you won't need pick-up lines and "tricks".
Now, what I'm about to tell you happens all the time. You've probably seen it with your own two eyes and not noticed it or laughed it off as a joke, but it has worked for others and it can work for you - if you have the confidence.
First, let me state the obvious: If you want to attract MORE romantic prospects to you, it helps to look attractive, neat, and have some sort of style. But, I'm sure you've seen some of the raggediest looking guys and girls - even thugs or thug wannabees with their pants hanging to the ground - with some attractive mates. You've probably witnessed some fine-looking men with some real skanks or know some who have cheated on their beautiful girlfriends with a female that was a "hot mess" and wondered "why would he cheat on his girlfriend for someone like that?" Sometimes, it's not about how good or sexy you look. I've seen guys at a night club wrinkled from head to toe and still have a bunch of fine babes surrounding them - dancing and having a ball! Seriously. But, you will have a BETTER CHANCE if you are neat and well-groomed.
Personality matters a lot. You need confidence in yourself. You need to be somewhat outgoing or at least "open" and conversational to attract MORE prospects. Like I said before: If you're attractive, you won't have to do much talking - most prospects will approach you. But let's put the shoe on the other foot and place you in the position of having to make the first move and approach them.
A lot of people will tell you cheesy pick-up lines don't work. But... depending on the situation and your delivery or pitch, anything works. Some pick-up lines are so silly that you can use them as jokes to break the ice. If your delivery is right, the prospect knows you're being funny and may laugh. And, you can move on from there with small-talk.
A lot of people will tell you hollering out of the window of a moving car won't work, but a lot of guys know that this is B.S. and that it DOES work. That's why a lot of them still do it! Some women WILL respond. Some will tell you to pull over for a conversation. Some will stop and get your phone number or give you their's. It all depends on the girl and her perception of you (and sometimes, if she likes what you're driving or riding in). There are times when it may be a group of girls in a car and you can "holla" and they'll stop so that the one girl who's interested can talk to you.
Now, I'm not suggesting that you only use pick-up lines to get a potential date's attention or cruise around town looking for girls or guys walking the streets, I'm just saying, you don't have to be nervous or think TOO hard about how to meet people to date. Just get out, relax, and enjoy yourself. Enjoy your surroundings, enjoy the moment, or just enjoy your day. Find ways to enjoy life and have a good time. When you're in the zone, and feeling good about life and yourself, it makes everything a lot easier - especially talking, socializing, and connecting with other people.
You've heard it before...
IT'S ALL A NUMBER'S GAME - The more people you approach, the better your chances of meeting someone new. And, someone you like.
To men: I know a few guys I can tell you right off the bat who have the same pick-up line when it comes to meeting women and these guys meet and date a LOT of women regularly. This one guy ALWAYS says, "Hello Gorgeous. Do you have a man?" And depending on what the response was, he had a few other lines ready so that he could keep some dialogue going. And a good percentage of the time, he would end up with the girl's phone number and/or engage her in conversation that led to a date. Another one of these guys uses this line: "Oh you're so pretty. You almost look as good as me." And women laugh at this crap! I'M SERIOUS! I used to get sick of hearing it, but it always seems to work to break the ice. Another guy used to use ask women, "Hey Ma, where's your man at?" If they said "At home". Then, he would say "Well, can I be a friend?" If they kept walking, he would say, "Hold up. Let me ask you something." And often, they would stop.
Now, there's nothing magical about those pick-up lines, but they work. I've seen them in action. And these guys have used them on hoodrats, administrative assistants, school teachers, customer service reps, nurses, managers, all types of women. And, in different types of situations. And, if those dry-ass lines will work for those types of women, they'll work with almost anybody. It all depends on your self-confidence and delivery. Romantic banter and pick-up lines work when you realize the name of the game is to show that you are not uptight and can have fun.
For women, the game of romance favors you greatly since men are supposed to be the hunters and women are supposed to be the treasure that men seek to obtain. But, Women can use cheesy pick-up lines or romantic banter too. Just have fun. But most women are usually more tactful and get the information (the 411) on potential prospects upfront before making a move. Usually, they know these guys from work, school, church, some group or organization they belong to, or through a friend. They may ask him if he goes out on dates or they'll find out first if he's married or seeing someone. Some women WILL flirt and/or give the man compliments in hopes that he will open up and respond to their advances. Some will make small-talk and offer their help and/or favors in hopes that he will realize that they like him and that it's okay for him to make a move. Any one of these feminine tactics can get a woman a date, but she must remember that most men love eye-candy and that she has to have a little bit of style and cuteness along with a confident personality to attract most of her desired prospects.
Keep this in mind: Approaching a prospect for romance or a date is just like approaching a customer to win a sale. BUT... DON'T BE AN AGGRESSIVE SALESMAN. Don't think of it as selling. Keep it casual. The key is to show that you are TRULY interested. Ask a question. Ask for an opinion. Open with an observation. Enjoy the moment.
A lot of people don't realize it but we all automatically size-up and judge the prospect to get an idea of how to break the ice and start up a conversation. You HAVE to know how to do it. And, it shouldn't require a lot of thought with hidden agendas. The prospect probably already suspects why you're talking to them (out of the blue) anyway. Just be cool, confident, and relevant to the situation. Don't worry about losing the sale or failing to "close the deal". There are many opportunities for love - and dates.
And, I'll tell you something else people don't think about: Before you go out, think of yourself as "the product". What are your features and benefits? A great personality, wit, good conversation, classy, you like to have fun and try new things... This is what you have to feel confident about in yourself when you meet new people. This is what you have to offer to a potential mate or date! And, if you have all the little extras that they want and appreciate, then consider those to be bonus features. But you should feel great that you can make others feel at ease and that you know how to show them a good time - or keep them entertained with deeper conversations. Don't look at the negatives. Don't worry about your size, height, looks, what you're wearing, or how much money you have. They may not even matter to the person. They may only matter to you. Think About It! You really don't know what matters to the person or what their interests are until you get to know him or her AND until he or she gets to know You.
I look at this way: If you expect rejection, you're probably going to be rejected, because weakness and lameness will show all over your face and in your posture and style. It'll look like you have no enthusiasm for life. You'll look unsure of yourself. You might even look like some boring shy guy or shy girl. And there's nothing "cute" about it. Some people will look over this as shyness but most people won't.
I strongly advise anyone who has a hard time meeting people, to strive to have fun, enjoy life, and improve their conversation skills by interacting and engaging in conversations with more people more often. Talk to people you feel comfortable with. Listen to how people talk and listen to what they talk about. Listen to their responses and how they start up a conversation. Be aware of their "technique" and body language.
If you have NO IDEA of how to spark up a conversation or if it makes you extremely nervous (even though you've tried "being yourself"), then PLAN and PREPARE a couple of ice-breakers that you can use over and over again in almost any situation.
Keep it simple. Don't try to be fancy or use some line you've heard in a movie unless it's simple and realistic. Listen to other people and snag one or two GREETINGS that you can use to get in the habit of being social with the people you want to socialize with.
If you're okay with simple greetings then, listen for ice-breakers. And learn more of them - AND USE THEM. Practice using them all the time and on everyone! Friends, family, co-workers, children, customers, clerks, and strangers. And enjoy your day no matter what response you get. Remember: It's just practice.
Here's what works...
Be confident, aware of what's going, and truly interested and you can get a person's attention with small-talk if you're in the same room or space - shopping, waiting, or watching TV, or whatever. Just stay alert and READY to comment or ask a question about what's going on while you're there.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be "exciting", "suave", or "perfect". This will only make you more nervous. Hell, if you have THINK about how you should feel, it's fake. And, ain't no use in faking the funk! Most people can see it. Some ovem' can SMELL it. If your day is going great and you feel good about it, that's enough. That's all you need. Feel that goodness in the pit of your stomach... Put a smile on your face - sly or otherwise. Walk Tall. And, have a good time.
If you're passing them on the street or it's a chance meeting, most of time you have to be quick and just go for it. Here are a few quick lines:
"Excuse me, I'd love to talk to you sometime. Can I give you my number?"
"Hello. My name is ---. I know you're probably have somewhere to be right now. So, let me give you my number so that we can talk later."
"Excuse me, I usually don't approach the average guy/girl like this, but you just stood out and I had to come over and say something. Do you mind if I give you my number/email so that we can have a conversation later?"
"Hello. I like your ---. Where did you get it/them?"
"Do you mind if I treat you to lunch?" (if you can afford it, this works)
* If you know where the person works, you can send flowers - even if it's a man, he'll appreciate it - but you'd better be cute or have some sex-appeal.
Those are a few conservative lines to use if you have to say something in passing. I've heard (and used) crazier lines than this that have worked, BUT... they have all been spontaneous and always playful.
So, engage in small-talk first, because it helps to break the ice. Small-talk topics include things like:
* news
* what's on sale and where
* bad service
* problems on the job
* last night's most popular TV show
* the weather
* traffic and accidents
* the economy or high prices
* food, cooking, and restaurants
* waiting in lines
* new products like cellphones, computers, games, TVs
* new movies or music or music artists
* celebrity gossip (or political scandal but not necessarily Politics)
* travel and vacation spots
Think general topics that everyone can relate to but not too personal. And think NEWS. Get their attention by sharing something they probably don't know or something they can agree with you on - or offer something fun or information they can use.
Some common openers are:
"Did you hear about..."
"Have you seen..."
"That's some good stuff." (whatever they're eating, using, or looking at)
"Did you see ---- on TV last night?"
"I like your shoes (hair, outfit, ring, glasses)."
"Are you going to the ----?"
"I want to give you an invitation. I'm having a party/event at ----- tonight."
"I can't believe what happened to --- yesterday."
"Did you know..."
"I can't believe these prices."
"Are you looking for ---s too?
"This is a great place to get/buy ----."
"How long have you been working at ----?" (if they are wearing something that tells where they work or if they are at the place working)
"Are you going to the ----?"
"Are you going to (the Panthers Game) tonight?"
"I have tickets to the ---- but no date. Would like to be my date tonight?" (this worked out very well for me one day with a banker)
"Have you tried ----. You should try the -----. It's great. It has/is..."
"This is the worst way to spend your afternoon/a good day."
"Are you a (nurse)?"
"Today must be my lucky day. I went everywhere trying to find ---- and none of the stores had it."
There are millions of openers you can use.
Then learn how to move from small-talk to social interest conversations by telling a little more about your minor personal experiences with the subject and/or asking questions about the other person's minor personal experiences with the subject.
And don't forget to work on your responses!
Some of your responses may lead you to tell a short personal story to emphasize your point, or to get the prospect curious, or to make the prospect laugh. Use this moment to trade experiences. Now is the time you want to comment and ask questions and let them comment and ask questions. Be prepared and don't ramble on and on.
Remember! You're still talking about GENERAL TOPICS. You've just moved a little deeper into them.
* I've tried...
* My experience with that is...
* I used to have...
* I've been there.
* I have a friend who experienced that...
* Just the other day, I saw...
* I used to live there.
* I've been there before. Isn't that near...
* I couldn't believe what I heard about...
* Have you tried... What did you think about it?
* Have you ever been to... How did you like it?
* I used to go to --- all the time with my --- back when...
* What do you think of...
* What do you think is the best way to...
* The best thing to get rid of that is...
* How do you prepare your (chicken)?
* I had some --- yesterday.
* Let me tell you what I got from ----s yesterday.
There are millions of ways to get personal without getting too personal. At this point, you're still making small talk but you will learn a little more about the person and be able to work your way to personal preferences, find out what interests you have in common, and set up a date for future conversation.
After you've made a connection, and you're talking on the phone, the main thing to realize is that you must get to know the person and develop a deeper connection. At this stage, it's all about having fun, sharing history, and enjoying each other's company. Share funny experiences and stories about each other's day and past.
Other important topics include:
* Beliefs
* Rules and Philosophies for living and why
* Ambitions
* Future Plans and Goals
* Hopes and Dreams
* Hobbies and Interests
* Where you most want to live and why
* Favorite Things
* Past Relationships and what you've learned
* Family Matters
Try to stay on positive topics. Don't focus on all the drama you're dealing with or constantly criticize others. Some of the girls I've talked to (my girlfriend included) will often speak negative or criticize almost everybody - including people they don't even know. It's like they have a list of people to "hate on". This can be a turn-off because it gives the impression that you're arrogant, a possible hypocrite, negative, pessimistic, or angry at the world.
Also, stay away from friendship and/or family drama. When you start to have issues with friends or family members, the new person in your life will want to defend you but it may possibly put him or her at odds with people he or she doesn't know simply because he or she wants to protect you. On the other hand, he or she may see you as having drama and baggage that he or she wishes to avoid. But, if your life is in turmoil, you may want to wait anyway.
Focus on being positive and keep your confidence intact and you will be at ease commenting on current events and the people, places, ideas, and things you see out in public. Watching some good humor on TV or going to a movie or comedy show works well too. Focus on topics that you enjoy talking about or CAN talk about in a positive or humorous light.
What if the connection is "slow" or you're having a hard time getting the date to open up? Some of the things I've said and have had said to me by women would probably shock you, so I won't post them here. But, I will say that this is the time for you to "open up" if you want him or her to open up. Speak your mind. Be bold. Don't beat around the bush with your comments, news, revelations, or opinions. Ask straightforward questions.
Now, is the time to talk about stuff that you probably didn't get to talk about on the first date. Or, stuff that you SHOULDN'T talk about on the first date. And, it doesn't have to be anything too sexy or risque... but, here are a few examples:
* An embarrassing moment
* A ticket you recently got
* A situation that was funny but scary as hell
* Something that happened to you that was funny later but had you mad at the time
* What your horoscope said for today
* Something your horoscope said about you "meeting someone new" or "new love"
* Something your Mom or Dad made you do when you were younger that you hated
* Missing high school
* How often you work out
* Your diet
* Your New Years Resolution or what you have planned for an upcoming holiday
* What you look for in a man or woman
* What turns you on
* How many people you've dated
* What attracted you to the person you're talking to
* How you felt when you two first met
* Does size really matter (tallywacker, booty, boobs, hands, or feet)
* Plastic boobs versus natural boobs
* Long hair versus short hair
* Make-up versus no make-up
* Tall versus short
* Is he or she high maintenance or low maintenance
* What is his or her best quality
* Has he or she ever been cheated on or has he or she ever cheated
* What's his or her style
* Has he or she ever been deeply depressed
* The worst date he or she has ever been on
* The last time he or she was in a relationship
And don't just ask, ask, ask. Be open. Just have some class about yourself. And above all, have FUN.
There are thousands of things you could dive into that will move you to a deeper conversation and possibly a connection if you work your way to it by being open, honest, and showing genuine interest.
Women can always feed a man's ego and tell him how she swooned when she first laid eyes on him, but the conversation might stay only on romance. Or, the guy might think the woman is a sex-kitten and not looking for anything serious. Only a quick romp in the sack.
Some people will connect right away and stay on the phone for hours and hours. I can't count the number of times I've started out laughing and talking on the phone nine o'clock at night and didn't get off until daylight - or ended up over at the girl's house. It was never planned. We just felt comfortable enough with each other that I went if they wanted me to come. That's something you can't explain. I don't think it's love. Maybe just a deep infatuation. Some people will just hit it off like that. BUT...
Please don't get on the phone begging or giving the impression that you're desperate or needy or clingy. Go out and have fun so that you'll have something to talk about when you see or talk to the person again.
The main thing is: Learn to laugh and play and that will build a stronger bond and usually move things beyond the friendship stage. It really helps if you can "entertain" and engage the person you're talking to. Make them feel comfortable.
If you really want to meet a new love and you're having a hard time with your conversation, learn more about conversation skills and search "HOW TO PICK-UP" on the Web. Most of this information is for men, but women can use some of the same tactics.
It may take a while, but all you really need is practice and exposure with more people to develop confidence. Get that, and you'll get the dates and possibly the love of your life.
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