How To Escape A Bad Relationship (Notes)

I've decided to leave this post "as is"...
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Sometimes bad situations change. Sometimes people change. So, I won't suggest that you leave your relationship. But, I'm not going to try to convince you stay either.

If you're involved with a tyrant, you deserve better.

If you're involved with a nagging-ass woman or nick-picking nagging-ass man, you deserve better.

If your partner is abusive in ANY way, you should know that you deserve better.

If you're involved with a compulsive liar who doesn't respect you or who disrespects you and your relationship, go A.W.O.L. Kick him or her to the curb.

If you've thought hard about your situation and can't work things out with your partner, and decided that your best option is to leave the relationship, then here's what you can do...

1. Stack some cash. If you can't save any money for your escape, then you need some good friends who are willing to put up with you until you get on your feet.

2. Look for a new place. If you're in an abusive relationship and you KNOW your Ex is half crazy, then don't move where you'll be tracked down. If you can move out by telling him or her that you need time to think about the relationship or you can agree to some time apart, then fine. If he or she is a stalker, don't move in with someone he or she may consider a potential mate for you because that might make him or her crazy with jealousy. Skip town if you have to and don't tell other people where you're going - not even people you consider friends because the truth may slip out.

If you have kids it can be hard to make a move but contact some of these abuse hotlines and find out how a parent can get financial assistance in an emergency such as this. Some of those politicians and people in society don't think about situations like this so it's kind of tough but try to keep your head up and scour the city and books for help and financial aid. Furthermore, throw your pride out of window and do what you have to do to survive.

There's a double-standard when men are in this situation. Men can get food stamps and housing assistance as well, but the resources are not as available to them as it is for women. And some of these guys are in abusive relationships as well - mentally and emotionally we all know, but in some cases, physically, too. A woman can whip your ass then call the cops on you for defending yourself and have your ass locked up. It ain't never happened to me but I've seen it happen before.

But, this ain't just about "straight" relationships. We all know that abuse occurs in ALL relationships. So, whatever your orientation, or preference, or lifestyle, it doesn't matter, you can get help too.

3. If you don't have a good-paying job and you're CONSIDERING leaving the relationship, go to school or look for a new job AHEAD of time. Find a way to support yourself or get a school grant or something. If you have no skills, no degree, or no experience in a job that pays well, then you'd better start working on that now.

Now, let me make something clear: If Life was perfect all of this will work out without any problems, but we all know this ain't the case.

Decent-paying jobs are hard to come by.

You don't have time to go to school and you want to get out RIGHT now.

You don't have anyone that will help you or take you in.

You don't have any money and you have NO way to save.

I know how it is... When my Ex wanted me to leave, I tried to get out there and find a place and couldn't find one. I was working part time and couldn't find a full time job. I didn't have any money.

My only plan was to pawn a few items to get some cash for storing my stuff and I would sleep at a homeless shelter for a while.

All I had was courage and a slight plan.

The other thing I did was I told everyone about my situation and what I needed to do. For days, I made it known that I had an emergency and was being ousted of my current residence. But I wasn't hysterical. Sometimes you can break down and someone will immediately feel sympathetic and offer you anything you need, but I didn't feel it was that serious. So, I maintained my composure. I asked if they knew of any places that were cheap to move into or any that didn't require a deposit. Some of those places were scum... and, I would've dreaded moving in. But, if push came to shove, I would've done what I had to do.

Some of my co-workers even offered to have me as a roommate. I was in need but I wasn't DESPERATE! lol. I'm just kidding.

I guess my Guardian Angel felt I was REALLY trying and swooped down to help me.

That's when I found that notepad with my old friend's number on it and decided to give her a call. I moved in with no money down. I was able to by a bicycle to get to work (since the buses don't come out this far). And, by the time my rent was due, I had the money. I had to clean one of her investment properties and work for a couple of co-workers at odd hours, but the main thing is: I did what I had to do and, I got my rent paid on time.

But, what if you're just in a stale sucker-ass boring relationship with somone who just doesn't turn you on or with someone who turns you off. What do you do if you're too "shy" to come right out and tell him or her that you want "Out"?

Let me tell you how I've weaseled my way out of some of those dull relationships and how others have done it as well...

Did you ever see that movie, "How To Lose A Guy In 30 Days"?

Although it's a comedy, it's a movie based on facts. I haven't seen the entire movie but the bits and pieces I DID see were funny as hell. Basically, this guy and this chick start dating and she does all kinds of sh*t to try and dump him or get him to dump her. She'd do or say things just to get the man riled up. She tries to "turn him off". She nags. She irritates him. She interrupts him while he's trying to relax and chill. She acts like a psychopath in front of his friends. (Sounds like every man's life, doesn't it?) She acts like a "ding-bat". She annoys him. She does all kinds of crap so that he will hate her or dislike her and leave, but he sticks around.

In real life, some guys would stick around too, but over half of them would cheat or leave. And, they do. But, if you want him (or her) to leave anyway, who cares? Get gone.

One of my co-workers told me there was an Astrology book that taught people how to break-up with their partner by doing things he or she doesn't like. Things that would piss the particular zodiac sign off and make him or her abandon the relationship.

One example was: If they're lazy, make them work all the time or ask them to do something. Keep them busy.

Another example was: If they clean-up all the time, be messy and don't clean up.

Or... If they are messy, be a "Neat-Freak" and constantly clean and complain about EVERYTHING being dirty or having germs. Sterilize everything at home as well as out in public.

She gave me two testimonials and suggested if I ever needed it, to run out and grab that book.

It's the same technique used in that movie.

Screw with a person's pet peeves. Do things they don't like and eventually they'll leave you alone. It's real life situations, but you just project and magnify a particular habit or characteristic that you know your lover simply can't stand. After a while, they'll be like: "To hell with this. I'm gone."

Oh crap! Do you think my Ex was doing that to me???

lol.


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That loud-mouth antagonistic broad... She'd have to run her mouth just for hell of it.

These people DESERVE to be alone. They SHOULD be alone. These assholes should be banished and exiled.

Save - don't hesitate to start stacking your cash - get a mailbox and a new bank account if you have to

Plan your move - move out of the vicinity; change jobs if you have to

Get protection

Inform the authorities if you believe your life or safety is in danger

Get help from a friend but be wary about associating with or visiting friends the both of you know

Don't take threats lightly and if you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend advise them of the same

If the person doesn't respect you now, they may not respect you in the future.

Why don't they respect you?

What issues or beefs have you had that caused you to spite each other?

Why can't you go back to the way things were before when you first met?

On the night of my last post, I called my new roommate up and asked her if she could come over the next day and help me move some of my stuff to the new place. It was fate that she had just pulled up in her driveway and asked me if I wanted her to come over and pick me "now". I said, "That'll be great. I'm already packed." But, in my mind I said, "HELL YEAH! Get me the hell up out of here right dammit now!"

I gave her the directions to my Ex's house and she told me she'd be right over in about ten or fifteen minutes. I was shocked but I couldn't delay. Damn! I didn't think she would come so soon! I wasn't packed! I had most of my crap all over the place like I had been "spring cleaning" and half of my sh*t was spread out all over the place.

I ran around that damn raggedy-ass house trying to find garbage bags and plastic grocery store bags to pack my sh*t in. I didn't care. Some stuff, I trashed. And whatever I didn't see or have my mind on, I just left it. The hell with it. It's only stuff.

I made sure my Ex's lunch was cooked for work. I didn't prepare it myself. Her sons were cooking dinner and I supervised while I ran around trying to find the bags to haul my stuff in.

I hate to say it, but nobody knew I was leaving. I pretended to be cleaning and throwing my old junk out while her sons made dinner. And, she was just waking up after getting her rest for work, so she didn't know what I was doing. But, the timing was great, because I didn't want to go in and disturb her while she was sleeping. I grabbed her work clothes and put them in the dryer for her and took some of my stuff outside and set it on the front lawn. It was a little after 10pm so I was literally running off like a thief in the night. It was exciting to be escaping away to my new life.

About ten minutes after we first talked, my roommate called for more directions. I was moving so quickly and rushing around, I started babbling at first and had to calm myself down. My roommate must've sensed it because she said, "There won't be any drama when I get over there, will it? I don't want to get into no sh*t between you and your woman."

I let her know that everything was cool and she was more than welcome to come over a chill for while if she liked. lol. (Yeah, right.)

She didn't know it, but she had just set herself up for a prank.

Anyway...

She got there before I finished packing but it only took me about a minute or less to get all of my stuff and get it packed into the car. And, I told the guys "see ya' later". And, that was it. I was gone.

When I got back outside I rushed to the car, I yelled at my roommate like I was hysterical, "GO! GO! SHE'S COMING! LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA' HERE!"

She was shocked. lol. Her eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets! lol. That chick was petrified! It was funny as hell.

I'm surprised she didn't put me right back out of her car. lol. But, she thought it was funny too. Anyway, I packed up my stuff and we rode off into the night...

After I got here and got my stuff into the room, my roommate started interrogating me. She asked me if I DID drugs, sold drugs, or was doing anything else illegal. Of course, NO. Then, she wanted to know why me and my Ex split-up and if she would be coming over any time because she didn't want any drama in her neighborhood. I let her know that "we were done" as a couple and not planning any reunion. And, just as I said that, my cellphone rang. It was Her.

I wasn't going to answer it at first, but I didn't want to burn any bridges, so I took the call. She asked where I was and how I got here. I've been telling her that I'm rooming with a guy from work and that he and his wife lives on the East side of town. I probably could've just told her in the beginning that I have a female roommate, but I think I know her well enough to say there would've been a little bit of drama and false accusations. So, I continued with that lie about moving in with a guy from work and told her that his wife picked me up just in case she happened to see my roommate in the car.

A day or two passed...

She sent a couple of texts (or at least one text) asking me if I missed her. Nope, not at all. I didn't text her back. Then, she called me another day to tell me the kids were asking about me. They thought I was at work and kept asking what time I was coming home. That kind of pissed me off because I do miss those little bad-ass brats. But, I didn't talk to them on the phone. Instead, I told her I was rushing off to work and would call them back later in the day. No. I didn't call. I don't even remember anything she said on the phone. I had move on. The nightmare is over!

Or, is it???

I like my new life. And for now, I like being single. But, don't get me wrong, I AM keeping my eyes open for Love.

The Joy And Pain Of Being Single

It's been over 3 months since my Ex kicked me to the curb and I've enjoyed almost every day of my freedom.

I've been celebrating like hell and drinking up a damn storm. Gin. Vodka. Wine. 24 ounce cans of beer...

Up until the time I moved in with my roommate, I hadn't had a drink in at least 3 years - and only a few times within the last five. The first night I could afford a drink, I bought a big-ass forty ounce Miller High Life. I thought I could take that bad-boy down but it whipped my ass. I was drunk as a damn skunk before I finished that thing. I drunk half of it. The rest of it went to the bad. I fell asleep with bottle opened.

I couldn't drink anything when I was with my Ex, although, I kept thinking about it. She's a "Christian Woman" so I didn't want to disrespect her house. Plus, I don't really like to drink unless I'm out dancing, so I kind of lost interest in alcohol.

But, all of that is behind me now... Now, I can enjoy life and be myself.

That's the bad thing about being "tied down" in a relationship. Sometimes you have to give up certain things to keep the peace between you and your partner. Sometimes you have to break certain habits - even if they're not all that bad - just to please your partner and keep him or her from whining and complaining all the damn time.

When you hear so many people proclaiming how much they enjoy being single, half the time, they ain't lying. I've been in a few relationships and I've been single a few times too. And each situation has its benefits.

For the most part, I like being single because there are -

No Obligations to another person

No extra Responsibilities or Work

No Interruptions when I'm doing my own thing

No one else's problems to deal with

No one else's complaints and gripes to listen to

I can lay around all day on my days off if I want to

I don't have to please anyone else

I don't have to "report" to anyone - I can come and go as I please

I don't have to cook for anyone else

I don't have to keep myself cute for anyone else or worry about them complaining that I'm a slob...

I'm as free as a jack-rabbit!

Man, I'm livin' "high on the hog".

This is the Life. And I'm gonna enjoy it for a while.

But, I can't stay Single forever.

There's nothing like having a nice warm babe to cuddle-up with every now and then. There's nothing like having some soft lips to kiss and a sweet-smelling mamacita to hold in your arms at night while you're watching a good movie on the flat screen. Plus, it's been 3 months since I've been smooching with a chick or been able to squeeze on one. That's not good.

I like having my freedom but having a good woman (or a good man for those of you who prefer men) on your side is the best thing in the World.

I don't wanna get all "mushy" on you, but think about it:

When you've got someone to call your own...

You've got someone to share your thoughts and ideas with

You have someone to tease and flirt with

You've got someone to cuddle and be romantic with

You've got someone to share your fantasies and "new ideas" with

You've got someone to support you and help you in your times of need

You've got a sidekick to help you build your empire

You've got a friend (hopefully a friend) to share experiences and good times with

Now, I KNOW this is only true if you're in a GOOD RELATIONSHIP. If your relationship sucks and you're stuck with someone who just don't give a damn, you might have SOME Benefits, but you're probably better off by yourself. Thus, here I am - kicked to the curb but happy as a lamb.

I was with my Ex for 4 years and within the first month I was ready to cut my ears off and hang myself just to get away from that broad. She was fussing and making false accusations about me within the second week. She swore up and down that I was cheating or was going to cheat.

And, she tried to "deebo" my Time so that ANY free time I had, I had to spend it with her. If I didn't, she'd try to guilt-trip me. I should've bounced when I had the chance, but I couldn't resist her sex-appeal. We'd break-up and get back together and break-up and get back together. And, it was just a suck-ass relationship from the start. I'm GLAD to be GONE!

Lord, thank you. And, I'm not NEVER going back.

I feel blessed to be single...

But, I AM on the hunt for a new little sweetie-pie.

I was checking this one babe out (we have six new girls working with us) BUT, I started working 3rd shift so I haven't seen her again. She's a hottie. And from what I've heard a couple of the guys have already tried to make their move on her so if I'm gonna do anything, I've got to make a move soon.

I don't know...

Maybe I'll just chill.

I guess I have mixed emotions about dating or pursuing a new prospect. I don't feel like being "bothered" I guess. I'm not ready for all of those damn rules that you have to live by when you're involved with someone.

A "Friend with Benefits" would be okay, but most of time (at least for me) they lead straight into something serious within a couple of weeks. So, it's really like dating and then becoming a couple anyway.

I haven't met too many women that appreciate the FWB arrangement, so I know whomever I meet next more than likely, it'll be a "commitment" - at least for a little while.

Well, I'm not going to worry about dating or hooking up with my homegirl at work right now. If it happens, cool. If not, I'll just keep getting an eye-full of all of the fine bootylicious babes I see without feeling guilty about it.

- loveqna

Eye Candy Denied: No Babes On The Night Shift

Now... For the record: I love where I work. And, I'm not saying that to protect myself just in case my boss reads my blog. She doesn't know about it. NO one at work knows about it. So, I'm keeping it real with you. I love that place. But, it DOES have its drawbacks.

For about a year I had been working part time (and mostly on the weekends), but all of that has changed...

Now, I'm working full time hours - 3rd shift - in a retail shop. The bad thing about that is: People don't shop at our store in the middle of the night, so it's quiet as hell. What's worse is, only a handful of GUYS work with me on 3rd shift - but, in different departments. We're all basically doing the same thing: restocking the store and cleaning up. Every man is in his own Zone racing AGAINST the clock and trying to spruce up the store before 5am. Time flies. And, That's Good. But, there are no attractive cutie-pies to look at or talk to all night. And, That's Bad. And, our only days off are Monday and Tuesday. And, That's sad.

Well, at least I'm making more money and getting more hours now...

I don't know if that's positive thinking or being delusional (lol) but it feels good to be able to stack, save, and invest some money for a change. Struggling to "get by" every week was stressing my ass out.

I guess you got to "give up" in order to "get in". Sacrifice or whatever.

To be honest, I'm focused when I work anyway, so, it's not so bad. I don't really talk much when there's work to be done - even if there are fine-ass women around. But, it's nice to have a girl with a phat ass and a cute face to glance at every once and while for inspiration and a little pick-me-up.

It's like looking at a work of art - or anything beautiful - it helps you relax and takes your mind off the drudgery of work and the monotony of Life.

Mmph! All that Beautiful Bubbly Booty...

Sometimes, though, a cute girl can be a distraction. You know women LOVE to talk. And, men LOVE to gossip (even though most of us claim that women do all of the gossiping, MEN gossip like hell too). And who can resist an attractive woman that wants a conversation? And when you have two people who are bored or who love to talk more than they love to work, it's the perfect recipe for getting nothing done or getting most of what you've done wrong or doing the work "half-assed". So, maybe it's a blessing.

But, if you hustle (and I always do) then it's rarely a problem.

But still...

I don't wanna see no damn "husky hound-dogs" all damn Night!

And, talking to a woman is good therapy - if you're willing to open up - And, show interest.

Like I said, women LOVE to talk and they can talk about almost anything. And as long as you're not "creepy", they WILL talk about anything - sex, health problems, furniture, traveling, relationships, food, partying, cars, friendships, rumors, observations, their hobbies, their past, their family... yap, yap, yap, yap, yap... Women will talk your damn head off. lol. And, I lovem to death.

I don't know... Maybe it's a good thing I'm flying solo on this mission. If I didn't get anything done, my department would be in dire straits and my boss would ship my ass right out the front door. Or, I'd be working part time on the weekends again if she decided to show me mercy.

I'll survive I guess. Just remember to say a prayer for me.

- loveqna

OMG! This girl is sooo hot!

Have you ever felt someone was "out of your league"?

Let me tell you why you should never think that way...

One of my homeboys (a co-worker actually) has a serious problem. He's suffering from "nice guy syndrome". He's TOO polite and FRIENDLY with women. The real problem is he doesn't realize it.

He keeps meeting girls but he keeps having bad luck with them. They seem to think he's a good guy but they only see him as a friend - someone they can talk to.

According to him, his latest prospect was playing games. She was giving him ALL the right signals and invitations but when he asked her out for a date, she told him she had a boyfriend. He was angry and broken-hearted. This keeps happening to that poor sap over and over again. He admitted it. I know it's true because it has happened at work too...

We have some of the finest chicks that you'd ever want to see working with us. I'm talkin' "Dime Divas". Hotties. Tenderonies. Mamacitas... Exotic Women from Brasil and Colombia. Bodacious Blondes. Chocolate Cutie Pies. Sizzlin sistas of all races, shapes, and sizes.

He approached one of them. They talked for a few weeks but he made his move too late. Some other Cat came in and snatched that chick up right up from under him and he was left out in the cold with the po-mouth again. But, he didn't chalk it up to him being a "nice guy" and "too slow" at making a move on the girl. He rationalized his misfortune by saying that the girl was "out of his league".

Out of his league???

He practically had the chick eating out of his hands for 5 or 6 weeks. They must've known each other's life story and history. They talked so much and spent so much time together that some of us thought they were a "couple". But, he NEVER asked the chick out on a date or for her phone number! wtf??? You're interested in getting to know the girl, you talk to her for 5 or 6 weeks and you NEVER ask for her phone number??? Of course she's gonna walk out of your life. He should've been asking for that babe's cell number within the first week - at least by the SECOND week! Hell, she was probably tired of him yappin' about nothing after the first couple of days and wanted some Action! Or, at least a conversation that was more flirtatious and "playful". Damn.

When that Other Dude came in and started talking to the girl, he said, "I think I'm just gonna give up on her. I think I know the type of guys she like. She might be out of my league anyway." He just gave up.

According to him, most of the girls he like are out of his league. But, he can't help himself. He's attracted to popular girls who are slim petite "model" types - attractive "Nice Girls" who are "clean-cut", always neatly dressed, pristine, and somewhat preppy. He says he's attracted to these girls but they aren't attracted to him.

He ruins his self-esteem and good vibes before he even approaches any of those sweet lambs.

Don't fall into that trap. Be realistic. True, there are people out there that believe in "levels" and "leagues" and all that B.S. but... that's dillusional thinking. Look at all these riff-raff local jokers and pot-head hoodrats hooking up with all of these fine cutie-pies out here...

Too many people put too much value on looks, fame, money, and all of "junk" they own or all of the "junk" that OTHER people own and the bottom line is: It doesn't matter! If this pretty-boy or pretty girl won't talk to you, there are thousands out there who will.

If you keep getting your heart broken or afraid to talk to someone because he or she is out of your league, then the simple formula for you is to conquer shyness and learn how to loosen up and appreciate who you are and SOMETHING about your life.

Don't EVER think you're not worthy of another person because he or she may surprise you. In the long run, he or she may not be worthy of you.

All types of people mix, mingle, and start a relationship. Look at some of those hoodrats Tiger Woods hooked up with! Look at what "level" he was on. And Tiger isn't a bad-looking guy. And his wife (at the time) was a "beauty queen"! Do you think many of those women were on HER "level"??? Tiger didn't care about what "level" they were on.

It's not always about how good the other person looks or how popular he or she is, or how much money and popularity he or she has. It's about you. It's about your personality. It's about how interesting you are. It's about how much fun you are to be with. It's about NOT letting the friendship or courtship get stale and monotonous. It's about being assertive and asking for what you WANT - whether it's a phone number, a date, or a kiss, or whatever. You've got to make your move or else you're gonna end up in the "friend zone".

You'll know within a week or two if the person you're interested in is already spoken for or NOT looking for a relationship because he or she will make it clear if you ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.

You don't have to come right out and ask: "Do you have a girlfriend?" - or, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

You don't have to ask for a date or a phone number right off the bat. You can be tactful and flirtatious and see where it goes from there.

Most important: You have to enjoy yourself and enjoy the moment and just let yourself go! Use your good instincts. When YOU feel the Time is right, make your move.

Be assertive and ask for what you want. Don't wait or else it might be too late!

- loveqna