it's an abusive relationship - get out and stay out

"Raging Bull" - Robert DeNiro; Cathy Moriarty

Tonight, I've been involved with two discussions about men who were (and one of them IS) abusive in their relationship.

The woman who is currently in a relationship with the abuser confesses that the guy calls her names, slapped her once, ignores her and neglects her after sex, often puts her down and criticizes her, texts other women, sends and receives sexual videos through texts and email, and begs other women for companionship on top of flirting.

She claims that he really treats her like dirt.

But, she can't stay away from the guy because she is happy to be in a relationship and have the companionship.

Plus, she said that sometimes he is nice and sweet and shows her a little attention.

I would've been left his ass. But...

She is needy as hell for love and affection and she enjoys having a date on a regular basis, so she can't live without the guy.

The next lady I responded to on a forum was married to an abuser who didn't want her going to therapy or talking to her friends, but she was strong enough to get out of that relationship.

I didn't ask her how she did it, but I'm glad she did.

And, whether you're a woman or a man trapped in an abusive relationship due to love or the need for affection, attention, and companionship, once you find a way out, stay out!

I know many people don't recommend that you go out on dates immediately afterwards, and you should take heed.

Get a support system if you can't resist.

But, if you're strong enough to get out there and date without losing your self-respect or rushing into a new relationship, then get out and have fun.

Don't sit around - bored and twiddling your thumbs - crying over that bum. Get out and enjoy Life.

Yeah, that jerk is probably missing you.

But, he or she is more than likely missing the control and power he or she had over you as well. So, don't go back... Strive to move forward and up in life. Get out and stay out.

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Do you know why these abusers go on like this and refuse to get the help they need?

Do you know why these people refuse to change?

Okay, yeah, we ALL know they're crazy as bat crap. There's no question about that.

But, most ovem don't even know they're crazy!

They think that what they're doing is "intelligent behavior" and that they're using common sense and that most everyone else is dumb as hell.

They consider themselves "realists" living in a world full of fakes!

They think they know everything.

And, look down on people who they don't consider on their level of intelligence.

They talk about their friends behind their backs.

They belittle and manipulate scrubs and people who are less fortunate than them.

And, they try to dominate their mates if their mate is "not as sharp" as they are OR, don't have the confidence to defend herself (or himself).

Once these people start acting like your mama or papa (or forceful) and telling you what you should do or shouldn't do - without you asking for their advice or opinion - run the other way.

If he or she hates to listen to reason or compromise for the good of the relationship - leave him or her alone. Even if he or she isn't an abuser, you should realize that you two might not be compatible. And, incompatibility often leads to drama. Get the Hell out.

If he or she constantly criticizes your decisions, actions, beliefs, style, appearance, etc., don't even bother with the bum. He or she will only try to break your spirit and bring you down.

most people like that are ego-maniacs who want to be right all the time. they don't want anyone telling them anything - especially what they should or shouldn't do, or judging them, or criticizing them. they have to believe they're right about everything.

he had to be right about everything. and, he wanted to maintain control over you (through abuse and restrictions) so that he could continue to be "right" and dominate the relationship.

he had to have power and respect over someone to satisfy his ego. he has to be the head (or leader) of someone or something or a group. he couldn't stand his "authority" or opinions or ideas being questioned.

many ego-maniacs are obsessed with power and they need to feel important (sometimes perfect) so they have to make other people feel inferior to them or submit to them or agree with all that they say and do.

it's great that you are away from this person and it's probably breaking his heart that you see yourself as his equal.

now that you are equals and he has no power over you, he is probably ashamed of himself or don't want to be judged and scrutinized for his wrong-doing.

That's why it's hard for him to apologize and admit his guilt.

he may want to be right, but deep down, the entire time, he knew he was wrong and doesn't have the strength to face his evils and own up to the pain that he caused.

now, he wants to run away from that past and forget it ever happened.

don't give that psycho the satisfaction of ruling over you again.

Learn from the pain and frustration and drama and move on.

- loveqna

"how to escape a bad relationship"

5 Reasons Why An Ego-Maniac Will Cheat

The World is full of cheaters who are full of themselves. They have a huge ego. They are thoroughly proud of themselves and think highly of their beauty, mind, abilities, and accomplishments.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But, some of these jerks take it too far. They are narcissistic and arrogant as hell. I don't know how some people put up with those assholes.

They really do think they're better than everyone else.

They even believe that the way they dress and what they have is a character statement and shows that they have Class. ???

I'm serious....

But, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with looking good and having nice things but it definitely doesn't define or hide one's true character.

Chicken shit is chicken shit no matter if it comes from a buzzard or a damn peacock.

Am I lyin'???

Don't try to hide your "true colors" ego-maniac, we know what an asshole you really are...

Have you ever noticed how some of these types belittle their mates and sometimes try to make them inferior or stupid? They boss those poor little devils around and talk to them like they have no brains.

I couldn't live with anyone like that for too long without snapping.

Not all ego-maniacs cheat, but the ones that do usually consider their mates as nothing more than an "accessory". Like a piece of jewelry.

If the mate is Hot, they'll appreciate him or her more and show him or her off to their family and friends. This is the type of mate they'll cheat on but don't want to lose because of how good he or she makes the ego-maniac look. But, the ego-maniac will still keep his or her eyes and "options" open just in case someone better comes along.

If the mate is average but has above average "Benefits" (like a great job, money, or lots of material possessions), the ego-maniac will want to keep him or her around until he can find someone better. If he or she is stuck in a marriage with this person, the ego-maniac will cheat often.

If the mate is weak - no matter how good he or she looks - the ego-maniac will verbally and emotionally abuse that poor little pip-squeak to no end.

If you EVER get into a relationship with someone like this - who feels that you're not really on their level or that he or she is better than you - stack your cash and get out. This person will waste your damn time. They'll only be faithful to you when their options start to run out. And, that may be years down the road because they think they're top-notch and desired by every one they see.

They think that they can have You and anybody else that they want. And, they always want attention. They always want to attract other prospects although they're involved in a relationship. Why???

Because they think they're God's Gift to the World.

They think that they can have their cake and eat it too.

And, in most cases, they ARE eating it too!

They're in a relationship and they're still playing the field - and cheating like hell.

I'm not hatin' on the player. I just wanna put you up some game...

So, here are five reasons why those delusional hanky-ass greedy-ass bums might cheat:

- Some ego-maniacs cheat to feed their ego. It's a self-test to achieve something that would be normally hard to do - like to get a certain good-looking guy or girl. Women will do this when they're "in competition with other women. Men will do this when their "pick-up skills" are challenged by another guy or a GROUP of guys.

In either case, the man or woman (boy or girl) wants to show that his or her "game" is tight and that he or she can have anyone he or she wants. This hoe doesn’t want to be average (romantically). He or she HAS to impress the group, a rival, or him or herself.

He or she may enjoy the challenge of being able to seduce and manipulate others. He or she is impressed with the power or charm that he or she can hold over another.

This sorry-ass bum doesn't care if he or she is in a relationship.

BUT!!! Be careful...

You could be involved with a person like this and THINK you're in a relationship with him or her and really, he or she only considers you two "friends with benefits". Therefore, he or she considers the relationship "open" and that he or she is free to have sex with whomever he or she wants.

- Another ego-maniac that will cheat is one who likes his or her freedom and the ability to come and go as he or she pleases. This cheater is not really free-spirit. He or she just doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone. He doesn’t want anyone trying to tell him what to do or where he can go. He's a rebel. He doesn’t want restrictions in his life. He’s a waffler. He wants a relationship, yet he wants to live by his own rules instead of living by the unwritten rules of a relationship.

- Then, there is the defiant ego-maniac. He or she is searching for Perfection. This guy or girl thinks that he or she is Perfect and wants someone "on his or her level. He or she is superficial – a waffler. He or she is picky because he or she wants the total package - but mostly, they want someone with the perfect looks, style, and finances. To him or her, this perfect person is their SoulMate. And, they're always searching for this SoulMate whether they're in a relationship or not.

- He cheats to spread his seed. I use the word "he" because it's usually a man who does this. This is the type of guy who can barely take care of one baby - let alone 5 or 6 - and he cheats and/or sleeps with women in order to get them pregnant and build his "legacy". You see a lot of crap like this on those TV shows like "Maury" or "Jerry Springer" and shows like that.

- I don't know if there are women who sleep around for this reason (I've never heard of it), but I DO know some women will cheat in order to find a man who's more willing to settle down, have kids, and build a future together. She'll even backstab her friend for a shot if she thinks he's a guy with potential. Nine times out of ten he's a dirt-bag too.

- Some male and female ego-maniac cheat to prove to others or to him or herself that he or she is independent and free to do whatever he or she wants. This is a rebellious cheater (usually a player in disguise) who wants to make it known that he or she is not tied down or in love or devoted to one person. He wants to show that he isn’t stuck with one woman (or one guy). This cheater cheats to avoid commitment and boost his reputation or show that she's a "free-spirit" with no limitations or restrictions. Usually, their mantra is: "I can do whatever I want! Ain't no ring on my finger!"

- Some men who cheat while their baby momma is pregnant or having the baby will cheat because they don't care but also because they just don't want to be responsible. They don't want to be tied down to one person. They want to be free to be young and enjoy life and roam the streets. They want to continue to hang with their friends and pursue their dreams. They don't want to grow-up. They're on the run and trying to avoid what they feel is "entrapment".

Use your instincts and avoid ego-maniacs if you can. If you can't resist those blood-suckers, then make sure you are strong enough to stand up for yourself. Be bold and talk sh*t (in a joking way) right off the bat the first time they "test" your confidence, because once you start letting them run over you, they won't stop.

They'll abuse you, use you, screw you, and cheat on you if they don't dump you. And, who needs to put up with crap like that from a delusional asshole who's living in a fantasy world???

- loveqna