Tonight, I've been involved with two discussions about men who were (and one of them IS) abusive in their relationship.
The woman who is currently in a relationship with the abuser confesses that the guy calls her names, slapped her once, ignores her and neglects her after sex, often puts her down and criticizes her, texts other women, sends and receives sexual videos through texts and email, and begs other women for companionship on top of flirting.
She claims that he really treats her like dirt.
But, she can't stay away from the guy because she is happy to be in a relationship and have the companionship.
Plus, she said that sometimes he is nice and sweet and shows her a little attention.
I would've been left his ass. But...
She is needy as hell for love and affection and she enjoys having a date on a regular basis, so she can't live without the guy.
The next lady I responded to on a forum was married to an abuser who didn't want her going to therapy or talking to her friends, but she was strong enough to get out of that relationship.
I didn't ask her how she did it, but I'm glad she did.
And, whether you're a woman or a man trapped in an abusive relationship due to love or the need for affection, attention, and companionship, once you find a way out, stay out!
I know many people don't recommend that you go out on dates immediately afterwards, and you should take heed.
Get a support system if you can't resist.
But, if you're strong enough to get out there and date without losing your self-respect or rushing into a new relationship, then get out and have fun.
Don't sit around - bored and twiddling your thumbs - crying over that bum. Get out and enjoy Life.
Yeah, that jerk is probably missing you.
But, he or she is more than likely missing the control and power he or she had over you as well. So, don't go back... Strive to move forward and up in life. Get out and stay out.
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Do you know why these abusers go on like this and refuse to get the help they need?
Do you know why these people refuse to change?
Okay, yeah, we ALL know they're crazy as bat crap. There's no question about that.
But, most ovem don't even know they're crazy!
They think that what they're doing is "intelligent behavior" and that they're using common sense and that most everyone else is dumb as hell.
They consider themselves "realists" living in a world full of fakes!
They think they know everything.
And, look down on people who they don't consider on their level of intelligence.
They talk about their friends behind their backs.
They belittle and manipulate scrubs and people who are less fortunate than them.
And, they try to dominate their mates if their mate is "not as sharp" as they are OR, don't have the confidence to defend herself (or himself).
Once these people start acting like your mama or papa (or forceful) and telling you what you should do or shouldn't do - without you asking for their advice or opinion - run the other way.
If he or she hates to listen to reason or compromise for the good of the relationship - leave him or her alone. Even if he or she isn't an abuser, you should realize that you two might not be compatible. And, incompatibility often leads to drama. Get the Hell out.
If he or she constantly criticizes your decisions, actions, beliefs, style, appearance, etc., don't even bother with the bum. He or she will only try to break your spirit and bring you down.
most people like that are ego-maniacs who want to be right all the time. they don't want anyone telling them anything - especially what they should or shouldn't do, or judging them, or criticizing them. they have to believe they're right about everything.
he had to be right about everything. and, he wanted to maintain control over you (through abuse and restrictions) so that he could continue to be "right" and dominate the relationship.
he had to have power and respect over someone to satisfy his ego. he has to be the head (or leader) of someone or something or a group. he couldn't stand his "authority" or opinions or ideas being questioned.
many ego-maniacs are obsessed with power and they need to feel important (sometimes perfect) so they have to make other people feel inferior to them or submit to them or agree with all that they say and do.
it's great that you are away from this person and it's probably breaking his heart that you see yourself as his equal.
now that you are equals and he has no power over you, he is probably ashamed of himself or don't want to be judged and scrutinized for his wrong-doing.
That's why it's hard for him to apologize and admit his guilt.
he may want to be right, but deep down, the entire time, he knew he was wrong and doesn't have the strength to face his evils and own up to the pain that he caused.
now, he wants to run away from that past and forget it ever happened.
don't give that psycho the satisfaction of ruling over you again.
Learn from the pain and frustration and drama and move on.
- loveqna
"how to escape a bad relationship"
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