Posted on Y!Answers.
why do men friend zone me?
I've been on a heap of dates since recently ( 4 months ago) becoming single. But every guy seems to call me after a few dates saying 'oh you're lovely but there is no spark, but we should be friends.'
I have no idea why this keeps happening.
I'm quite attractive and constantly have guys asking me out.. it just never seems to go far because of the lack of spark :S
How am I meant to show spark? I'm confident, I flirt.. So ready to give up now though.
Please help :( worried i'm just going to end up as a friend forever :(
loveqna Answer:
People get dumped into the "friend zone" for all types of reasons. So, there could be anything keeping you from making a connection.
You have to take a good look at yourself to discover what could be turning these guys off. It could be your personality, you style, your thinking, your appearance, your attitude, whatever.
Nevertheless, here's a small list of what might be putting you in the friend zone.
- choosing the wrong guys
- may seem too eager; over-zealous; over-excited; overbearing
- talk too much (especially about yourself or your life)
- or, talking too much about your Ex and your last relationship (after awhile, most men would think you're still in love with the guy since you're yappin' on and on about him)
- boring (don't talk enough; boring conversations; not carefree enough; no fun; maybe not shy but too conservative)
- attractive but no sex-appeal or style
- too aggressive or forward (guys may think you're a player - especially if you flirt too much or come on too strong)
- or, it could be that you're rushing, moving too fast, and seem desperate - give the man a chance to get to know you and build a connection with you; don't talk about marriage and/or hanging out all the time on the first date (he'll definitely "friend zone" you - unless he's lonely and desperate too)
- making too many demands early on can run a guy off as well
- appearance not attractive to the type of guys you're attracted to; cute face but not a cute (or sexy) body
- are you being misunderstood? it's possible you may appear to be high maintenance
- it's possible you might seem fake or pompous - that can be a turn-off (although, it's not as bad as these ill-mannered chicks with an attitude)
- if your attitude sucks or you have "delusions of grandeur" about yourself (an overblown ego), you'll lose a good man. A nice guy might stick around - if he's desperate enough
- maybe they believe you're too busy and don't have time for a commitment (so, they've moved on to court someone else)
- and don't forget "timing" (timing affects everything); if your game is off or if there are things going on in your life - baggage - that you need to address, this can have an impact romance, courtship, and how others perceive you
blah, blah, blah... blah, blah, blah...
First, take a good look at yourself - your style, your appearance, your personality, your conversation skills, the types of people you choose to date. Be aware of the overall package.
You don't have to be a "perfect ten", or be charismatic and/or flamboyant. You don't even have to have the sex-appeal of a Diva. But, class, style, a sexy attitude (with natural confidence), neatness, and a clean good-smelling fragrance goes a long way.
And, you know both men and women love eye-candy, so style and appearance counts for a lot. So, when you go out, dress with style.
Now, I'm not saying that you have to dress like a skank. But, you don't have to wear a ball gown either. Take some notes from those Southern Belles down in Georgia. I went down there and damn near lost my mind those women are so fine. Those "Georgia Peaches" make a simple pair of jeans and a tee shirt look heavenly. They wear clothes that fit and look like they just came off the rack. I mean, those women look superb women they go out in public to eat or to an event.
And you know men love a woman's hair so, make sure your hair is looking good and smelling good almost all the time. Turn him on and keep his nose buried in your scalp with that good smelling fragrance.
Make sure you have on just the right amount of makeup if you wear makeup.
Let the way you walk be sexy sometimes - especially in high heels. That catches a man's eye too. Men love high heel shoes so much that some men can't resist having a pair of their own.
Be sure your finger nails are looking cute and sexy. A woman with ugly crusty jacked-up fingernails gives people the impression she's broke, sloppy, and dirty. It's just like a man walking around in old-ass jacked-up shoes that are not work shoes - it looks like his feet stink and like he's dirty and sloppy as hell.
Don't go out on a date with those crusty the clown fingernails. Take it all off or put it all on.
Some men might "friend" you after they find out you have kids. But, some guys don't mind kids. I've dated chicks with kids before. So did Ashton Kutcher. So, kids aren't a deal-breaker all the time.
Get to know the guy upfront as friends and see how things go from there. Most women wouldn't want a new guy around their kids early in the relationship anyway.
If you have be put in the "friend zone" after sex, then it could be that you're boring in bed or not as (fresh-smelling) as you think you are.
If your game is lame in bed, take your time, get to know one person, and be open to experimenting and practice. Learn to take control and have fun. Especially if you're married or engaged. Keep the excitement flowing. Sexual chemistry is often a big deal in making a relationship work.
We all know guys and girls can stink down there. I don't care if you're circumcised or UN-circumcised, I've heard enough stories about smelly men and women that would make a billy goat puke and a baboon gag on a happy meal.
Sometimes, a man or woman needs to get into a tub and soak in warm bubble bath for an hour or two.
I love it.
Try some various techniques for keeping your "personal stuff" smelling fresh and clean until you find what works for you.
You don't have to douche but there's gotta be something out there that works! Something is better than nothing.
Those guys out there that's smelling like cheese and sewage don't have to douche either, but they definitely need something to kill all of that bacteria swarming around between their legs. There are plenty of over-the-counter drugs for those bums so they have no excuse to be smelling like old-ass rotten eggs.
And, wash them feet too! That'll help keep you out of the "friend zone" also.
Did you know that you can turn a man on just by having sexy feet???
I don't know what it is about women with pretty feet and toes but it drives some men crazy! They love it. Hell, I love pretty feet myself and I don't even have a foot fetish. Or, maybe I do and I'm in denial. Hell, I don't know but I know if you put your pretty feet in a man's lap and ask him if he could rub them and massage them for you, he won't say no. If he does, you definitely want to get that area of your life taken care of to get out of the friend zone.
Anyway... (I'm getting off track here. I was saving that stuff for another post.)
Anyway...
There could be any reason a man might put a woman in the "friend zone". But, if you're constantly being blown-off, rejected, and dumped into the "friend zone", stop and take a good long look at yourself - your overall package. More than likely, there's something you're ignoring - or, some "fault" or habit you need to work out.
Even if all of these guys can't see how good you are, it's because you're not radiating how good you are.
You'll have more success and opportunities if you step up your game and work on the overall package. That's a guarantee. And, the time to start improvement is right now.
- loveqna
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