5 Ways "NEGLECT" Can Cause A Man Or Woman To Cheat

I know I promised weeks ago that I would post "50 Reasons Why Men And Women Cheat" without delay, but my mind (brain)... Ugh! It makes me sick to my stomach.

I have so many ideas and plans and things that I want to do (and COULD do)... PLUS! Things that I SHOULD do (and NEED to do), that all of this crap floating around inside my skull makes my life a living hell. I'm sick of it.

Honestly, it's been bugging me that I haven't finished this list, so tonight, I'm gonna go all out.

But, let me warn you...

I might not go into detail so you will have to use your instincts and read between the lines on some of this stuff.

I'm also gonna do a "recap" later on just to make sure we have all fifty reasons laid and played. (laid down and played out)

Okay, let's first start by recognizing some of the needs that can be neglected:

- Emotional Needs

- Physical Needs (we actually covered this under "Why Men and Women Cheat For Sex")

- Sexual Needs (we covered this one too)

- Social Needs (this is the bulk of it)

- Spiritual Needs (this has nothing to do with religion but I'm not going to address this one until later on)

And there are other needs but it's best to cover those later on as well.

Well hell. I guess the others I can cover later on also so let's just jump into the article...

Now, I know a lot of you have heard the widespread myth that states "men cheat for sex and women cheat only when they're neglected". It's been going around for God only knows how long.

Well, I'm here to tell you flat out: That's the biggest bullsh*t ever said about cheating. That ain't NEVER been true. It wasn't true a million years ago and it ain't true now.

Now, don't get me wrong. There have been women who have cheated when they've felt neglected but we all know that hasn't been the ONLY reason women have cheated. We all know there are (and have been; and WILL be) some "loose women" - who are in committed relationships - running around out here in these streets. Anybody that doesn't know it has got to be young and experienced or been living under a damn rock all their life.

On the flip-side, there are MEN out here who cheat because of Neglect also.

A lot of women don't believe it but let me show you why it's true.

Now, I'm not gonna lie and say that these men are cheating because of EMOTIONAL neglect, but men DO get lonely. Men DO get restless and need human interaction. SOME men DO miss their woman when she's away for long periods of time.

A lot of women think men are part of another species and don't have feelings, but men are human too.

Everybody needs a little attention every now and then.

Men need companionship just like a woman needs companionship.

Men need someone to talk to every now and then just like a woman needs someone to talk to every now and then.

Sometimes a man wants to feel his woman in his arms and look into her eyes.

Sometimes HE needs someone to talk to or laugh with.

I'm a guy just like Jesse James (the celeb-actor who cheated on Sandra Bullock). And, I know if I had a fine-ass wife like Sandra Bullock who was on the road all the time working and traveling, and rarely ever saw her, don't you think I'd be lonely sometimes and miss her and crave affection from her? Or, a goodnight kiss every now and then???

I'd be lovesick and frustrated.

Some people need that human interaction EVERY NIGHT (or day, or at least on a regular basis or the emptiness will drive them nuts). And, if their lover can't be there and satisfy their needs, those "lonely" neglected weasels might cheat.

That's why it's rare that long-distance relationships work. Some people need that human experience.

Even Military Families and Couples have to deal with this "test of love". Sometimes the civilian spouse cheats. Sometimes the military spouse cheats.

Sometimes a person's needs can be overwhelming. And, when those needs (or desires) are neglected, the neglected lover might turn to cheating or some other interest to fill the void and ease the frustration.

It's not right but it's a tough position to be in for someone who's lonely feels something is missing from his or her life.

The only way to thwart this evil situation is by checking yourself. You know when you're not spending enough time with your mate. If you two are in a long-distance relationship, use your instincts and recognize when you need to step your game up. When you notice your partner's level of enthusiasm or affection is dropping off, show him or her a little more attention:

Be flirtatious

Give him or her a kiss

Give him or her a hug

Go out

Give the poor slob a compliment

Use your instincts. You know what to do. Show him or her that you're grateful to have such a person your life.

Okay, now here are the "5 Ways NEGLECT Can Cause A Man Or Woman To Cheat":

1. If one partner is always busy with work, or school, or church, or his or her group activities, or hanging out with friends, or always running errands, etc., and doesn't take out "enough" time for his or her partner, this might cause the "neglected" partner's eyes (or heart) to wander.

But, even if the "neglected" partner's eyes don't wander, too much free time could allow an admirer to sneak in and charm and seduce the so-called "neglected" mate.

2. One partner doesn't care or seems uninterested in the relationship.

Not spending "Quality Time" with your mate can be neglectful. This is social neglect. Talking on the phone and texting and emailing is okay but a lot of people don't like being stuck in the house all by themselves all the time. They want to talk to their lover sometimes. They want a hug sometimes. They want to go out with their mate sometimes - even if it's to the grocery store or Wal-Mart. And, for most people (especially women), you'd better do a lot better than the damn grocery store or Wal-Mart. But, some people need that human interaction and affection. And, If their mate won't provide it, the relationship will get dull. And, it might get rough.

3. One partner doesn't care or seems uninterested in the relationship making the other partner feel unloved, unwanted, ugly, or worthless. This is why some people turn to their Internet Friends for communication and worth. Or accidentally find Love on the Net.

It doesn't matter how young you are or old you get, all of us need to feel important to someone in our lives - especially to our love-mates, children, friends, and family. We don't want to be involved with someone who ignores us or who doesn't want to talk or who's sour and pessimistic. We want someone we can talk to and have fun with and make love to. We should be loving and enjoying Life everyday! Right???

So, this is also social neglect AND emotional neglect. But, in this case, you could be right in the same house with the person and he or she hardly ever speaks to you besides a grunt here and there - like HE doesn't want to be disturbed from watching his TV show or working on some personal chores. Or, she's so glued to the TV and always on her cellphone yappin' with her friends that it seems pointless to discuss anything with her. And, when she's not talking to her friends or family members or watching TV, she's running around complaining (nagging you) about something and trying to find something for you to do.

It's funny how these "grunters" and "yappers" have egos and treat their mates like trolls when it's the grunters and yappers that desperately need the makeovers and help with their style and/or appearance.

People in this situation REALLY hate being involved with their mate. And eventually, neither one wants to be bothered with the other. Cheating (or one person thinking about cheating) is common in this type of relationship.

4. The neglected partner doesn't feel like he or she is a part of his or her mates life.

The mate may do a lot of things in secret or even whisper or talk in code in front of his or her mate.

The mate may be spending more time with his or her children, or family members, or friends than he or she is spending with the lover. Giving them more attention than he or she is giving to the relationship.

Because of this, the neglected mate is not able to bond with his or her lover to the point where they can move to deeper levels in the relationship.

Eventually, the partner who feels neglected and left out will drift away and possibly hook-up with someone new.

5. Lack of Contact.

If you're a waffler or a struggling entrepreneur or "trying to get focused" or trying to get over depression, then more than likely, you've been in a relationship in which you've not called your girlfriend or boyfriend for days or weeks at a time. Some people will tolerate it for a while (as you know). But, those that can't will eventually lose interest and find someone else.

Some of you get angry and resort to drastic measures to keep the person or to get revenge, but why get angry at this person when you KNOW you're the one who's neglecting the relationship??? Yeah, it's wrong for him or her to cheat and scandalous that he or she would abandon you in your time of need, but it's best to let him or her go. This may not be the person for you anyway if he or she can't understand what you're going through mentally and emotionally - even though you've tried to explain it to him or her a thousand times.

He or she may be just like some of your relatives and friends, and NEVER really know you or understand you. Rather than get upset and waste your time, energy, money, and emotions, let that guy or girl go until you get yourself together and get back on track. And, if you two can make-up and work things out afterwards, then so be it. If not, "there are plenty more fish in the sea".

If you're a Struggling entrepreneur or someone who's been struggling with "trying to get focused", you might do better to invest in yourself, your education, or search for a good-paying job so that you don't miss out on a good man or good woman. The longer you wait on Love, the more opportunities pass you by.

Time flies, Life moves at a fast pace, and people have short attention spans, so there will always be "distractions" or obligations that will cause one partner (or both partners) to neglect the relationship.

And for those who live with their mate, it's hard as hell to find balance in all of this stuff in our lives.

I don't wanna scare you single folks but when you have to juggle YOUR life, your kids life, your work, time with your mate, worry about your appearance and sex-appeal, keep track of bills and expenses, spend time with your friends and lover and others, and make sure your house is in order and running properly, something or someone is bound to get neglected.

All of this stuff IS your life and it's a serious work-out. You've got to have ESP, more hands than octopus, be a diplomat, move faster than lightning, and stay on the move. You've got to be superwoman or a superman in order NOT TO NEGLECT someone or something.

That's why you see a lot of ladies out here give-up on their dreams. They become moms or devoted lovers and go with what's most important in their lives. They focus their attention on the people they care about so that they don't feel neglected and so that they can pursue their dreams and goals. They hit that point in their lives where the "Reality check" light comes on and they let go of many of their desires and make room for their new Priorities.

I've even seen guys give-up their dreams of stardom to devote their lives to their new wife and kids. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes that's what a scrub or a lame guy needs to get his life on track - some real responsibilities.

Well, that's it.

I know I've rambled and I've made this post longer than I planned, but I can't help it. I'll just have to try harder next time. Or, just read a little bit here and there. You don't have to read all of this crap in one sitting. Take it easy.

- loveqna

Computer Love - Dating And Finding Love Online

Do you have a hard time meeting new prospects because you don't go out that often or because you don't have time to look (because you're too busy)?

Maybe you haven't found the love of your life because you don't know where to look or because you keep meeting poor prospects when you DO go to the places where all the good prospects are. That happens. Accept it.

The bums and bad apples are always gonna go where the action is so, you're always gonna have a mix of good, bad, and sorry-asses no matter where you go. You're always gonna have to sift through the lot of profiles to find someone you think may be compatible to you and worth getting to know better. It doesn't matter if you meet prospects through friends or if you meet prospects online.

It's like trimming the fat off of meat or separating good fruits and vegetables from bruised and damaged fruits and vegetables. You keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff out. That's just how it is.

Have you ever thought about finding love online?

I know it can be scary. I know some people would be embarrassed to do it.

There are a lot of people that look down on those who look for love online. They think it's weird, pitiful, stupid, and dangerous.

I agree that it can be dangerous. But hell, meeting people offline is dangerous also.

Either way, you have to take your time and get to know the person you're talking to and take the necessary safety precautions.

And even after you get to know this person, you STILL have to continue to use your instincts and be careful because he or she could be living a double-life or playing you for a fool. There are some nuts out there. And liars. Online and Offline. So, you've got be cautious. Use your instincts. Watch closely and listen carefully.

A few years ago (before I met my last girlfriend), I met a few chicks online. I was a little bit wary in the beginning, because I didn't go through a dating service. I met them in chatrooms and I was new to the chatting experience.

I only met two of those girls in person. I could feel that some of the others were playing games. Some of them were liars. Some weren't girls at all. And, some were just as wary of me as I was of them.

One of the girls I met was a dingbat and wild as hell. I could tell right away she was a hoochie and only online looking for sex. I only talked to her for a few minutes in a convenience store parking lot.

The other chick was a slob. But, I should've known that by looking at her room in the background while we chatted.

We met at a restaurant then at a nightclub. She was thick and cute, but her and her girlfriend were flirts who loved to get drunk and party all the time. And, she had a little boy. And, after we talked on the phone a couple of times, I found out she was having baby-daddy drama. She was cute but I wasn't even about to get involved in that mess.

But, I know people who have been more fortunate.

Some people I've worked with at past jobs have met their sweethearts online and have gotten married. I know police officers who've dated women online. I know people who have traveled hundreds of miles to stay the weekend with their online lovers. I have a cousin who regularly meets, dates, and hangout with women he meets online. He lives in D.C.

He has even taken these women to his Mama's house! And, other relatives' houses. He's brought them over to the house where I used to live.

My Ex's daughter and her friends used to meet guys on Facebook and MocoSpace and hang-out with them.

I have another cousin who goes on dates with chicks he meets on Facebook as well. He also uses the phone chat lines.

I also see some of my former schoolmates (guys and girls) with dating profiles online. And, some of them are good men and women. Most of them have good jobs. A couple of them have their own business. They're good quality prospects. I went to school with these people. I've been to some of these people's houses. I've socialized with these people and know they wouldn't harm a flea. They're just looking for real love like everyone else.

And, these online dating services seem to be working out for many people as well. Eharmony says a lot of their "matches" end up getting married after dating each other for a while. And, there are other online dating sites that proclaim such success as well. Hell, I can't turn on the TV nowdays without hearing or seeing an ad for an online matchmaking dating service. I've probably seen "Christian Singles" two or three times today. So, this form of looking for love online MUST be working out for a lot of people.

Someday, it's probably going to be as common as shopping for a new suit or a new outfit. Those dating sites and agencies will be everywhere - online and offline.

The only online matchmaking services I REALLY worry about are those that "sell" mail-order brides. You really have to be careful on both ends with that type of service. You have brides that are scammers and con-artists and you have potential husbands that are domestic abusers. Or, they might lose interest. And, it could be reversed. Maybe the man is a scammer and the woman is an abuser. I don't know but anything's possible.

You have men out here who live thousands of miles away marrying women then harassing the hell out of the woman for her dowry. Some of those guys are con-artists with other wives they've scammed out of a dowry.

You have women that marry men so that they can get out of their country, then the woman runs away.

It happens.

Stop wasting time. Get out and meet people.

 But, worse stuff than this can happen offline in the "real world" (beta-space) too.

Any of this stuff (all of it) - this online love - you HAVE TO BE CAREFUL with, because it's like everything else in Life. It's all a risk. It's just like eating food: You don't know if it's good until you eat it, digest it, and live to tell about it later.

I fell in love with a girl online once.

She was a Filipina.

At the time I wasn't looking for anyone online. I was looking for business opportunities when my messenger rang.

I didn't even know I was connected, but I responded. And, we just started chatting.

She asked me why my status was "single but not looking" Then I told her about my recent break-up. The drama. And, how boring things had gotten.

She told me about her past relationship and how her Ex was leading her on and never intended to marry her. Then we began talking about relationship drama and sharing stories about our lives and our families. We talked about books, movies, news, interests, everything. We opened up to each other really fast.

Soon after that, we were calling each other on the phone.......

Okay, I don't wanna think about this anymore.

--------------------------------------

If you decide to pursue an online relationship make sure you're ready for it emotionally and mentally.

Don't waste your time with it if you aren't going to (or can't) take it to the next level of physical contact and interaction.

If you're only going to be friends, you really don't ever have to meet. But, if you fall in love, you'll want to feel that person close to you. And, he or she will want the same.

Oh, let me warn you about this...

One thing I ALWAYS keep in mind: Make sure the prospect you're talking to is a person who is old enough to legally date you. I swear I think the cops were trying to set me up to talk to some kid in a chatroom. There were a few of us joking around in there, then one of the chatters started getting flirty and asking me where I lived and all that.

And like I said before, in the beginning I was always wary of people so I immediately said "I don't give out my personal info on the Net". But, this person was asking me about music and my age and if I were single. I didn't know about setting up my profile so it was blank. But, when I looked at hers, she was 14. I put her ass on "ignore". I didn't think about it being a "dangerous" situation. I just ignored her because what reason would I have to talk to a girl that young? And, it probably was the cops. So, make sure you're meeting guys and girls who are legally able to date you.

And these are just a few reminders:

Don't go online looking for love if you're lonely and desperate because you could fall prey to mind games and trickery from con-artists, players, manipulators, and bad people in general.

Don't go online looking for love unless you're prepared to be open and honest about what you want and need from a lover. And, make sure they're honest. Don't let him or her lead you on.

Don't pursue love with someone online if you and that person has different relationship goals. Some people are looking for sex, some for marriage, some for a friend to hang-out with (or so they say).

Don't expect much out of a man or woman with thousands of friends on a social network. Especially if that person is up there everyday. That's all some people care about - collecting "friends". They don't have time to talk to all of those people. What makes you think he or she has time to talk to you? YouTube is different because a lot of those people actually WANT to help others - with products or advice. And a lot of them DO respond to individual requests and messages. But STILL... They are busy as well or possibly already taken. Or, not interested in a relationship.

Depending on how far your love-interest lives from you, take into consideration how often you will get to see him or her. And, can he or she handle the distance as well.

Consider that you might have to travel by plane to see your online love interest. So think about saving and stacking some money.

There may come to a point where you think you've found your SoulMate and want to settle down. This may require a better job and money as well.

Well, there are all kinds of variables and things that could and will happen and things that you should be wary of.

The best thing is too research and use your good instincts so that you don't get played, used, and abused.

A lot of these online (Cyberspace) relationships don't work out - just like in "real life" (or Beta-space). Don't let it depress you, frustrate you, or deter you from using all venues - online and offline - to find the love of your life.

Don't worry about what other people think about you looking for love online - especially if they're single and don't have anyone to love. Nine times out of ten, the one who doubts is at home wacking-off because he or she doesn't have a partner to kiss and cuddle-up with.

It's a shame and a scandal some people have to live like that. Hypocrites.

Let me tell you this: I was in an online relationship and it could've turned into something special if I had been a little smarter and bolder. I regret a lot of things, but losing that girl is in my top 5 things I hate I ever did in my life.

Don't rush but don't ignore your options either.

What you're looking for is out there. You've just gotta keep "clicking" away.

And, whether you find it online or offline, the best of luck to ya'.

- loveqna