Bad Romance: Haters In Your Love-Life

Have you ever been in a relationship that was full of drama and B.S. because OTHER people were involved and meddling "in your business"?

Maybe it was your Lover's dumbass Best Friend...

Or, a sister-in-law who thought the world revolved around her...

Or, a spiteful and/or controlling mother-in-law...

Maybe it was an Ex trying to break you and your Man (or Woman) up.

Or, a backstabbing "fake-ass friend" or acquaintance trying to sneak in and steal your Lover away from you...


You probably had to cuss somebody's Ass out, didn't you? If you didn't, I know you WANTED to.

Why are these people worried about what's going on in YOUR relationship??? Why are they worried about what's going on between your YOU and your Sweetheart?

You don't bother them but they Antagonize you for NO Reason. They spread lies. They reveal your secrets to others or will let your lover know anything you've said to them in confidence. They spy on you. They try to make your lover suspicious of you or deceive you...

Why are they trying to get you riled up?

What in the hell is wrong with these people???

Everything.

Most of them are lonely and want attention. Some of them are bored with their lives. Some of them have been instigators all their lives and all they do is make trouble. Some of them are blabber-mouths and compulsive liars and gossips. Most of them enjoy manipulating and controlling other people. Some ovem are jealous...

Who knows why this person (or, these people Have) a personal vindetta against you.

Maybe your personalities just don't click with each other and you don't have much to talk about.

Maybe they think you're supposed to be in awe of them.

Maybe they've been bullied and hurt and want to take their frustrations out on you.

Maybe they think you're a snob - or, not good enough for his or her friend.

Or MAYBE...

The hater is angry that you're NOT pursuing him or her.

Who knows what's wrong with this person or these people. Could be any reason.

Sometimes we're just misunderstood - and often that's what the problem is.

True. Some people are just evil as hell too.

I've been in relationships where I've had to deal with all kinds of haters.

But, I didn't give a damn.

The hell withem.

There are a LOT of people in the world with that "problem". Many of them don't even HAVE a relationship or a Love to call their own, yet they're all in YOUR relationship giving your partner all kinds of Advice (NEGATIVE advice) about sh*t they know NOTHING about.

They don't have any experience with the situation. They can't maintain a relationship. All they have is a dumbass opinion based on what some other dumbass has said. They're just like people who try to tell you how to raise kids and they don't even have kids. Or, someone who tries to tell you how to improve your marriage and they've never been engaged.

They just love to run their mouth because it makes them feel good someone is confiding in them and asking for their opinion.

Or...

They're in a relationship that (more than likely) sucks - or it's boring as hell - so, they want to entertain themselves by meddling and keeping track of what's going on in your love-life like they're part of a reality show or watching a soap opera on TV.

Now, I don't want to trouble your mind with the thought of haters and hating (Every time you turn around somebody's talking about "Hatin'") but that's what most of them are - haters.

What else would you call someone who's backstabbing you and trying to "dirty-up" your name and reputation for no reason other than you are dating their son, daughter, sibling, or close friend?

Or, even worse, just because he, she, or THEY don't like you - for Whatever reason. Maybe you like green eggs and ham and they don't like people who eat pork.

There might be people hating on you right now that You don't even Know (and that don't know you), but they dislike you because of the negative comments and opinions someone else has made about you.

Now (to be fair), some of us are involved with a mate (or dating someone) who talks WAY too much. He or she runs around talking about all the problems you two are having and what YOU'RE doing wrong, or you're not giving him or her enough time and attention, or you're wasting money, or you're not understanding enough, or whatever. So, of course, his or her friends are going to believe that one-sided story and offer their suggestions about how your lover should deal with you.

But, some of those so-called friends are fake-ass backstabbers.

They love Drama. And as long as your lover will talk, they'll listen and offer their advice.

Look at Monica Lewinsky... "Oh, I'm kickin' it with the President. He's my Boo. And, we've been doing this and that... And I love him and blah, blah, blah...

That dumb broad ran around telling ALL of their business. And those other women, Linda Tripp and Lucianne Goldberg, loved it. They were gonna hang your boy, Bill Clinton, out to dry. And, it was one of best "Soap Operas" of all time.

Well, maybe that's not a good example...

Linda and Lucianne were hatin' for sure, But...

If you're telling the TRUTH about someone - although it's negative - is that really hatin'?

Let's say, for instance, you have a friend who is in a relationship with a bad boy or bad girl who only uses your friend for his or her money. While your friend is at work, this bad boy (or bad girl) is sitting around the house all day doing nothing. Or, out joy-riding with other people in your friend's car. Your friend is stressed out, wore out, broke as hell, and this sorry-ass slob is sitting around eating your poor friend out of house and home. And, on top of that, talkin' sh*t like he or she OWNS the place. Like she (or he) "pays the cost to be the Boss" of the castle...

Now... It's a sunny day and you're out for a stroll and you just happen to see the love of your friend's life, hugged-up and smoochin' with some hoodrat you've never seen before.

Now, do you tell your friend what you've seen or do you ignore it?

If you tell, are you hatin' on his (or her) Boo? Are you snitchin'? Or, are you Saving your friend from deceit and manipulation and protecting him or her from looking like a fool?

Now, let's keep it real:

If someone is giving facts about you - though they are negative - it's not hatin'.

The person may hate you, hate your ways, hate how you treat their friend, and not respect you, but if they hate you because you're a negative person who's abusing and/or manipulating their friend, then they SHOULD step in and say something.

Any good friend WOULD speak up and try to run the hoodrat hooligan off.

How can you hate on someone who's trying to destroy another person's life or drag your friend downhill - or make him or her crazy?

How are you hating on a manipulator who's emotionally abusive, pessimistic, and unsupportive of your friend?

Only an enemy would sit by and let a friend fall into that kind of trap.

Don't hate the "player". Hate the game. And, if the player's game is EFFed-up then you Step-up and use your game to get rid of the scoundrel - or chickenhead, that's what I say.

I'm not saying that the hater should bring you down, but they should at least suggest that you two get counseling or separate for a while if the relationship is dangerously in turmoil. It doesn't make sense to ruin or destroy your lives when there are so many other opportunities for real love out here.

Anyway...

Now, let's put the Real haters on blast...

Here are a few SPECIFIC reasons why haters hate and what you can do to keep your relationship from being victimized by those dirty-mouth low-life busters...

(I don't think anybody's going to buy my book with the language I use.)

There are all kinds of haters.

Exes (yours or your lover's) - who can't make up their mind whether they want to break-up or stay together. Your Lover's Ex who doesn't want to see your lover happy or dating anyone else. Or, your Ex who feels the same way and will do things to try to scare your new Lover off. An Ex (yours or your lover's) who constantly calls, flirts, or tries to do other things to make you or your lover jealous.

Friends (yours or your lover's) - over-zealous friends who want to protect and guide their friend's relationship. Or, even control it. Friends who want to keep their cliques intact so that they can continue to party and hang-out as a group. They're afraid of growing up or losing their friendships to other people. or, splitting up their group.

a Best Friend - This friend simply may not think you're good enough or good-looking enough. He or she might not like your style. The best friend may be afraid you're going to steal his or her friend away and hate on you for that reason.

Children (yes, those little rug-rats too) - The children might not trust you, or they would rather see their biological parents together, or they don't want you kissing and hugging on their Mom or Dad because they want all the love and attention.

Mother-in-law - I've never had a mother-in-law or father-in-law but from what I've heard and seen, some mother-in-laws want to "run the show". They think of their son or daughter as their baby and want to have a say in how they live their lives. If you're not careful to show them the respect they believe you should be showing, you won't be accepted by them until you apologize or correct your error - or ways.

And, there are people who will doubt your integrity and faithfulness to the relationship that don't even know you.

Brother-in-law

Sister-in-law

Favorite cousins

Co-workers

School Mates

And, God only knows who else...

You might've heard the saying "All is fair in love and war". Whether you agree with it or not, some people Really do live by that philosophy. And, they'll try their best to entice your Lover and steal him or her away from you. They'll lie. They'll flirt. They'll give gifts and trinkets. They will perform all types of favors for your Sweetheart in hopes of stealing him or her away from you - forever or for one night.

Most haters hate because of jealousy. We all know that. But, when SOME of them realize you have "something good", they want it. And, just like any other hatin'-ass thief, they'll try to steal it.

You can't get rid of haters and you can't get away from them. Because no matter where you go or what you do, there will be a hater lurking in the midst. So, just keep on truckin'...

You could be the sweetest person in the world - someone who loves to laugh and have fun; Someone who does their best to try and help others - but, if you forget to help one person, or CAN'T help him or her - watch and see what happens... That person will tell everybody and Anybody who'll listen, that you're uncaring, unreliable, unhelpful, and under-handed. They'll claim that you'll only help those who suck-up to you and that you show favoritism to certain people. For one error, they'll tell a million lies and do all kinds of underhanded crap to try and make you look bad.

You may end up having to cussem out and read them their rights, but Don't focus your energy on them. Stay focused on improving the relationship you have with your lover (your spouse, gf, bf, fiance, etc.).

Make sure you show your Lover some love on a regular basis and don't waste your time with the haters.

Sh*t happens. We all make mistakes. We all sometimes forget. All you can do is apologize (if you remember to do it) and move on. If they want to change their ways, cool. If not, it's not like you've lost a best friend. Keep on rollin'.

It's difficult not to fight that battle with the hater. Sometimes you have to put the hater in check. BUT... It's REALLY something that your lover should address if it's his or her friend or family member or co-worker or admirer.

It doesn't matter if the hater is Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunt, Grandma, or Grandpa. Your lover should be the one to nip all of that hating in the bud.

If you two are happy with your relationship and trying to make it better, there's nothing that should be said by anybody on the "outside". They're on the outside looking in. What in the world do they know about what's really going on between you two???

They don't know the details of your Situation or what kind of "arrangement" you have or what your relationship goals are. So, they need to shut the hell up and mind their business.

Your Lover's family and friends don't have to praise you, but if all they have is negative things to say to your Lover about you, then he or she should stay away from those negative vibes - if you two are truly in love.

I know that sounds harsh. And, I wouldn't say this of a passing flame or someone who's abusive or selfish. But, if it's TRUE love, And, you KNOW - and can see and can FEEL the Love this person wants to give and show you - you've got to do the right thing.

Who's Life is it anyway?

Do you tell them who to date or who to love? Do you tell them how to live THEIR lives?

Would they accept your advice or opinion about their relationship?

Do they ever ask you for your advice or opinion concerning their relationships?

Probably not.

So, why should anyone give a fat baby's ass about what they think?

If you have to listen to that negativity, "man-up" or "woman-up" and be strong...

It takes a Strong Woman or Strong Man to keep the haters they love and have grown up with in check.

If it's True Love, there's nothing ANYONE can say to make you change your mind anyway.

But, the drama could still cause your Lover grief and bring turmoil to your relationship. That's why you have to nip it in the bud or put those haters in check yourself. And show the love of your life that you truly care about how he or she feels.

It's not always about the fact that YOU don't care what people say. It's about the fact that you care about the one you love and how he or she feels. Some people can't deal with all of that nonsense and NOBODY wants to deal with it.

All of that Stress and worry from Drama, Backstabbing, People manipulating you or TRYING to influence you to leave or turn against him or her, Lies, Defamation of character... All of that can wear a person out mentally AND emotionally - AND Physically. It can change them and make them hostile, irritable, disappointed in you.

Sometimes you have to make a HARD choice. Although you care about both people and love both of them, you have to handle the situation.

Those people have already had their chance at love, been married, settled down and had their families, now it's your turn to live your life and do the same - if that's your goal. Either way, it's still your relationship and YOUR life. Nobody can live it except you.

Save yourself from a miserable existence. Don't get involved with a weak-minded woman or weak-minded man. Avoid followers and people who need the approval of their family and friends to be happy.

If their family or friends don't like you but they do, they'll want to keep you around but they won't stick up for you or have your back in your time of dispair and misery.

They'll allow you to be abused and ill-treated by their friends - or even one of their parents. You'll be better off walking away and finding someone new.

Don't get trapped in a "broken relationship" where you'll have to deal with a lot of foolishness and animosity for 18 years.

Now, here's the deal...

The BEST way to nip all of that family and friend drama in the bud is to meet and get involved with someone who's Independent, Supportive, and who has a Strong Mind. Leave those weak-minded approval-seeking people alone.

The Second Best way is Natural. You don't have to kiss anybody's butt. But... be sociable, be friendly, be polite, be respectful, and be yourself.

Treat them the way you would want to be treated. And if they still want to hate on you, the hell withem.

- loveqna