My Girlfriend Dumped Me...

THEN...

five minutes later, she was all lovey-dovey and hooked back up with me again. I'm beginning to think she has a few screws loose.

Let me tell you what happened...

She got me so pissed off the other day that I just didn't want to talk to her ever again. So, I ignored her a little bit and avoided her to keep from hearing more of her big mouth. Women love to talk and she is no exception. She loves to chat, talk, gossip, complain, rant, and debate, so the "silent treatment" really pissed HER off and she exploded. It was funny though because sometimes in the middle of her yelling, I would say: "Hold up a minute", and gargle my mouth with mouthwash or get a q-tip and clean my ear or walk over to the closet to change my shirt, and she would stop screaming at me and wait until I said, "Okay, finish telling me." And she would continue her yelling without breaking a stride.

Now, I don't mean to sound like I was making a joke out of the whole thing, but I'm just sick of hearing her fuss. And, she wants me to argue back and debate with her. And, I don't want to do it. I don't like to argue. There are better things I could be doing with my time... Maybe that's how SHE likes to release bottled-up energy but that's just not my bag.

So, I said to her: "I don't feel like arguing or debating all the time. And, whenever you're angry, I just try to stay out of your way."

Wrong. I shouldn't have said that. Then, She really got loud.

"YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS AN ARGUMENT. I'M NOT ANGRY. I'M A WOMAN. I'M GONNA SPEAK MY MIND. YOU WANT SOMEBODY THAT'S A PUSHOVER. WELL IT'S NOT ME. I AIN'T THE ONE. I'M GONNA TELL YOU EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THAT'S JUST TOO BAD. YOU NEED TO SPEAK YOUR MIND AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF..."

She wants me to argue with her is basically what she's saying.

Now, when I give my opinion - like last week when she went to look at handbags - this broad tells me (while we're in a crowded store) to shut-up and that I didn't know what women liked in a handbag and that I had no taste. Shut-Up??? For a second, I snapped. I was about to say: "Bitch, you shut-the-hell-up!" But, I wouldn't call a woman that unless we were joking around. Anyway... I said, "You shut-up! You don't tell anybody to shut-up! Not me no way. I ain't one of your chaps!" And we continue to shop. She does this all the time out in public - which is crazy - and disrespectful.

Now, believe it or not, right after this, we are not angry at each other. I'm not angry that she told me to shut-up in public. I'm a little offended but not really angry. What pisses me off is that she asks for my opinion or view on something all the time and then she tells me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, why in the hell did you ask me in the first place??? And what's the point in me explaining my point when she is already firm in her belief. Does she want me to agree with Everything she says? I'm not going to do it. If you want my opinion, I'm gonna tell you MY opinion and not what you want to hear.

So, this kind of crap has been going on all week.

Then, she called to tell me that she was tired and would probably be sleep when I got off of work, so I should call her and wake her up and she'll come to get me.

Right about the time I was due to get off of work, the store manager wanted to talk to me. After she finished talking to me, I pulled out my phone to call my girl. I had a "missed call" from her. I called her cell. As soon as she picked up the phone she was like: "WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER YOU PHONE. I CALLED YOU. YOU CALL WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING. YOU NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN I CALL. I JUST LEFT THERE. NOW, I GOT TO TURN AROUND AND COME BACK... blah, blah, blah."

I wasn't planning on calling her anyway since she complained that she was so tired and sleepy. Hell, I had been getting to work without her for damn near two weeks so why call her now?

I started to say, "Bitch, you ain't gots to come back! Keep rolling with your damn big-ass mouth!" But, of course, I didn't say that. My poor lame ass. I said, "My phone was on vibrate in my pocket and I didn't feel it. I didn't realize I had a call." Which was true, but She didn't want to hear that sh*t. She went on yelling and calling me a liar. But, really, We're not supposed to have on phones on us while we're on the sales floor and they're not supposed to ring out loud if we do. I keep mine on me to keep up with the time and to check any texts she may send, but I don't get the opportunity to check them right away. And, I just don't stand around when I work. I try to keep busy - with or without customers. So, I may not feel the vibration of my phone sometimes. Anyway, she came back and scooped me up, dropped me off at the house and went to Sam's Club to purchase food and stuff she had to have for Thanksgiving.

When she got back, her and those bad little rugrats busted in the room. Those little brats were bouncing off the bed, the floor, and walls. Pulling papers and stuff off of the dresser and just throwing them on the floor. Dragging their toys and clothes in the room and just leaving them on the floor... Hopping around like rabbits and sh*t. Stomping around. I said, "Chill-Out, You little rug-monkeys!"

Of course, it's a joke, but their antics and unruly behavior still takes me away from blogging and writing. I can't stand all of that noise ALL the time.

Anyway, I think she brought them in there out of spite to distract and disturb me, because she doesn't like for me to be on the computer. She wants to talk. No. So, I picked up my laptop and went downstairs. But... those little demons where hot on my tail and followed me on down - begging for cereal and Kool-Aid - and whining that one hit the other or one of them is not sharing or something...

(Lord, have mercy! Somebody, get these damn chaps!)

Anyway, that pissed me off because she could've left them downstairs or told them to play in their mama's room but she knows they'll run to me most of the time. She just hates the fact that I'll get on the computer instead of listening to her rant and rave.

So, after that I gave her the silent treatment out of spite and she got tired of it and dumped me. I kind of expected it would happen, but I told you: I know her very well... and she's crazy. So, I wasn't shocked when we were smooching on the bed a few minutes later.

My advice to anyone involved in a relationship with a woman:

Don't try to understand women. Just get to know the one you've got and everything will be alright.

Now, let me go in here and help this dizzy broad with this turkey and stuffing.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! And, thanks for listening!

- loveqna