confidence building and face-to-face conversation - notes

notes on confidence for shy folks. will update later (maybe)


you're never gonna feel like yourself if you keep worrying about "fitting in" and trying to be someone other than who you are. discover who you are on the inside. live by your true philosophies and beliefs. stop being afraid of who you really are. stop worrying about being judged. be who you really are.

think about what's holding you back. what are you afraid of (socially)? do you fear you will say something stupid when you interact with others?

do you fear people will think you're weird?

do you feel like you have nothing interesting to say?

why do you really want to improve your confidence? is it to get more dates? improve your social skills? approach someone you admire?

it's all about interacting with others.

learn to conquer or minimize your social weaknesses.

you're doing the right thing by trying to improve your confidence. but, learn what's keeping you from being confident and go from there.

don't allow (false) images, personal perspective, desires, or fantasy, to cloud your instincts

learn to read people without judging, and allow your instincts to be your guide. use judgement to make your decisions on how to deal with the person or situation

reading people and using your instincts will also help with confidence. don't humble yourself too much

don't consider so much WHO the person is. Listen to what he or she is saying and keep an interactive mind. ask questions to clarify points they're trying to make.

remember: when the conversation starts, what is said is just as important as who is saying it. listen carefully, you may be chatting with a wise man (or woman) or a fool. Or, even worse: a tyrant.

one way to keep from humbling yourself or being overly shy is to focus on the conversation and body language and responses only. This will help you enjoy the moment a lot more.

Don't be too polite! it'll only make you boring.

And, you may miss out on a second date (or invitation).

after the speaker has made his or her point, respond. agree, disagree, or keep silent if you think silence is best. it never hurts just listen as long as you don't "just listen" throughout the entire conversation.

share whatever experiences you've had if you can relate to the what the speaker is talking about

don't overly shower people with respect (or false blessings)

know proper etiquette and maneuvers/manners in dealing with certain people