Can You Trust Men (or Women) These Days? Is It Best To Stay Single?

I'm still with my new roommate. Everything is fine.

I'm laying in bed checking out some of the forums on the Net. There's some weird stuff out there. And, funny as hell.

But, there are some sad folks out there too.

Here's a question from Yahoo! Answers.

Now, this chick is saying that she doesn't trust men and wants a dog (or two) for companionship... Now, I may be wrong, but I'm 99% sure that type of relationship is illegal. And, it's just plain crazy.

Ladies (and Guys), I know that trying to find a honest man or woman out here in the dating game is like trying to tap dance through a minefield. Hell, I've said it plenty of times. But, if you keep having bad luck with dates, then maybe it's not the people or prospects out here. Maybe it's You.

And, I don't mean that in a bad way.

I'm just saying that you need to step your game up.

- Improve on you instincts
- Don't rush into love
- Be stronger and don't give-in so easily to any requests or favors
- Be fair to yourself and do what's right for YOUR life (then, after you get to know the bum and commit to each other, then you do things to benefit the BOTH of your lives - but still be fair to yourself)
- Don't allow that hoodrat to talk to you in a demeaning way
- Be strong enough to leave - if you're crazy and can't let go of a toxic relationship - get your crazy-ass some help and get out

The main thing is: Don't think negative and give up so easily. Think positive and step-up your game.

Here's the question:

WIll I be lonely if I don't marry? Will having a roommate help then, if I stay single forever?

I do NOT ever want to have a committed relationship with a man at all. It's wasteful & i do NOT have trust for men. Most imo are self serving and very unreliable. But, living alone isn't easy, so will it be better to get a roommate? WIll I be lonely if I don't marry? I definitely want to get a dog or two. What do u say & Why?

The Answer:

As long as you have that attitude you probably WILL be single forever.

For one, you are walking around with a chip on your shoulder and it will show to the world.

And, if a good man - a man of quality - DOES happen to notice you, you will drive him away or get involved with him and make him miserable... OR, you will ruin your OWN happiness by living your life full of bitterness and pessimism. And, a woman with bad vibes is a terrible thing.

Maybe those dogs will love you, but it's just not right for someone to purposely deprive herself (or himself) of love. That's not living a complete life. Or, enjoying life to the fullest.

I know nuns and priests do it, but that's just weird as hell too. God didn't give them those emotions and feelings to NOT use. That's like buying a car and refusing to take keys. What are you gonna do, walk back to the dealership every once and a while to look at it??? That's Crazy.

And, while some people out there might suggest that you call up friends when you want someone to hang out with or talk to, the truth is: You're still going home alone.

And, unless your roommate is single or a loser, he or she will want to spend time with his or her partner sometimes. Or, they have their own obligations or plans to attend to. They can't come running to your poor pitiful ass every time you feel lonely and need some company. It might be okay for a while but AFTER a while, that crap will get old.

Now, that's not saying that you can't be single and love it. Some people claim that the "single life" is the best lifestyle in the world. But, many of those folks who love that lifestyle still go out on dates. They still mix and mingle. The ones that don't - and who shut the world out because they'd rather have their personal space and don't want to be encroached on are weird as hell and crazy as bat shit. I've seen'em. Those oddballs come into the store on Friday and Saturday nights looking "lost" as hell when they should be out having a good time with friends. Right? But here they are - strolling around (with that blank look on their faces) while we're about to lock the doors. Weirdos.

But, maybe that's what a mid-life crisis will do to some people.

I couldn't imagine getting old and not having someone in my life for companionship as well as for affection. I'd at least date on a regular basis.

Hell, you have to be sucker to deprive yourself of love and affection and want to masturbate your life away. That's weird as hell too.

It's bad enough that most of us will end up being alone when we get old anyway. At least have some fun and enjoy all the pleasures of Life while you can.

Okay, so Yeah, the world is full of hoes and dogs on both sides (men and women) but don't let that stop you getting the love you deserve... Get out and meet people. Stop being so picky. Take your time with dating. Have confidence. Stay cute and Be Sexy. Maintain self control and self-respect. Demand it. And, in the end, you'll find a good guy who wants to love you every way that you want to be loved. I'm sure of it.

- loveqna

How do you figure out what you want in a potential significant other?

I was surfing the Net tonight and came across this question on Yahoo.

Share your opinion anonymously if you like.

Question:

"They say don't date until you know what you want in someone.....But don't you have to date in other to experiment and find out what personality traits work/don't work you in a potential mate?

am i missing something? The only way to figure out is to date people, but they say if you date w/o knowing what you want, you're playing with their mind"

loveqna Answer:

I feel the same way. If you don't date and get to know various personalities, how else can you discover what personality traits work and don't work?

And, that's just part of it...

They might have habits or beliefs you don't agree with. He or she may be an intellectual but have interests you don't agree with. He or she might nag all the time or complain about everything - or, want to fight for causes you don't believe in.

Yeah, some people take these "relationship questionnaires" (online or given by priests) to see if they are compatible, but we all know "actions speak louder than words". And, people who claim to be in love and who love selfishly, WILL lie to get what they want. So, why not date?

Even Prophets of Astrology recommend that "your individual horoscopes blend" in order for you to have a good connection.

So dating is not a bad thing as long as it's respectful and has meaningful purpose. Like dating to find out you want in a potential mate.

BUT!

What you want in a mate sometimes changes. Even when you THINK you know what you want, your preferences might change.

There are people out there who date "prospects" and fall in love with them and don't know how it happened. Usually, they would never consider dating these "losers" because they have absolutely NONE of the qualities the seeker wants, but somehow, they become captivated by these bums and oddballs and can't get their minds off of them.

That being said, all you can do is:

Get to know the guy or girl on a friendship level first to see if there is a connection or a deeper level of interest.

Make sure he/she understands that you don't want to rush things and that you two could still be friends if things don't work out.

Many relationships fail because people don't take the time to get to know themselves and what they want, and what turns them on, and what turns them off, and what they can tolerate, and what they can't tolerate. (And, that's the main point of dating.)

They'll meet a guy or girl, claim they're in love, and three months later, they're bored and looking for something new (more reserved, established, funny, or more exciting). Or, six months later, they're in a toxic relationship full of drama ready to break-up.

Dating also helps you find out who you might be more compatible with. Or, what type of person you have a better connection with. Or, WHO you might have a better connection with.

And, that's another purpose of dating. You get to know them and they get to know you as you also get to know yourself and what you want and need in a mate.

You can't discover this "connection" just by analyzing people. You have to interact with them on various levels - friendship as well as romantic. Even spiritual.

You need to know what you have in common and what you don't. You need to know if this person has the same relationship goals as you do or he/she wants to live in the same area as you. Or, if he/she is family oriented - or if he/she is driven to succeed. You need to know habits, preferences, faults, fetishes, etc.

Now, this may require more dates or taking things to the next level with this person, but if you see potential on the FIRST DATE, then this is a natural step. Go to the next level.

You learn their strengths and weaknesses. They learn your strength and weaknesses...

But, this is ONLY if you're interested in more than just dating.

If you're dating, it doesn't mean that you have to commit yourself. You're still dating to see IF you want to take things to a deeper level.

The downside or disadvantages of dating is:

- love and happiness are NOT guaranteed
- it takes time
- feelings can cloud your judgment and you might rush things
- you might over-analyze and kick a good man or woman to the curb too soon
- you could end up being attracted to two people and can't decide who to choose

Now, I know some people don't date and end up marrying to the first person that comes along - or, someone that they're betrothed to - and have better success in their relationship, but, most people want to get to know WHO they're marrying and discover "love" and "happiness" for themselves.

They want to take time to explore the person's heart and mind to see if there's a connection.

Most people don't want to be "thrown" into a relationship with someone they don't know.

This man or woman could be a monster. Who knows if he or she is sweet or cruel or supportive or lazy as hell?

It's also possible that both people may have good hearts but they're just not good for each other.

In reality, it's all just a crap-shoot. A gamble.

No matter how many dates you go on, dating will never guarantee you will discover someone who's "perfect" for you, because your ideals and preferences may change.

But, you stand a better chance finding true love if you date and take your time to get to know yourself and what you want and need in a relationship and in a mate.

- loveqna

15 Reasons Why Good Women End Up In "The Friend Zone"

Posted on Y!Answers.

why do men friend zone me?

I've been on a heap of dates since recently ( 4 months ago) becoming single. But every guy seems to call me after a few dates saying 'oh you're lovely but there is no spark, but we should be friends.'
I have no idea why this keeps happening.
I'm quite attractive and constantly have guys asking me out.. it just never seems to go far because of the lack of spark :S
How am I meant to show spark? I'm confident, I flirt.. So ready to give up now though.
Please help :( worried i'm just going to end up as a friend forever :(

loveqna Answer:

People get dumped into the "friend zone" for all types of reasons. So, there could be anything keeping you from making a connection.

You have to take a good look at yourself to discover what could be turning these guys off. It could be your personality, you style, your thinking, your appearance, your attitude, whatever.

Nevertheless, here's a small list of what might be putting you in the friend zone.

- choosing the wrong guys

- may seem too eager; over-zealous; over-excited; overbearing

- talk too much (especially about yourself or your life)

- or, talking too much about your Ex and your last relationship (after awhile, most men would think you're still in love with the guy since you're yappin' on and on about him)

- boring (don't talk enough; boring conversations; not carefree enough; no fun; maybe not shy but too conservative)

- attractive but no sex-appeal or style

- too aggressive or forward (guys may think you're a player - especially if you flirt too much or come on too strong)

- or, it could be that you're rushing, moving too fast, and seem desperate - give the man a chance to get to know you and build a connection with you; don't talk about marriage and/or hanging out all the time on the first date (he'll definitely "friend zone" you - unless he's lonely and desperate too)

- making too many demands early on can run a guy off as well

- appearance not attractive to the type of guys you're attracted to; cute face but not a cute (or sexy) body

- are you being misunderstood? it's possible you may appear to be high maintenance

- it's possible you might seem fake or pompous - that can be a turn-off (although, it's not as bad as these ill-mannered chicks with an attitude)

- if your attitude sucks or you have "delusions of grandeur" about yourself (an overblown ego), you'll lose a good man. A nice guy might stick around - if he's desperate enough

- maybe they believe you're too busy and don't have time for a commitment (so, they've moved on to court someone else)

- and don't forget "timing" (timing affects everything); if your game is off or if there are things going on in your life - baggage - that you need to address, this can have an impact romance, courtship, and how others perceive you

blah, blah, blah... blah, blah, blah...

First, take a good look at yourself - your style, your appearance, your personality, your conversation skills, the types of people you choose to date. Be aware of the overall package.

You don't have to be a "perfect ten", or be charismatic and/or flamboyant. You don't even have to have the sex-appeal of a Diva. But, class, style, a sexy attitude (with natural confidence), neatness, and a clean good-smelling fragrance goes a long way.

And, you know both men and women love eye-candy, so style and appearance counts for a lot. So, when you go out, dress with style.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to dress like a skank. But, you don't have to wear a ball gown either. Take some notes from those Southern Belles down in Georgia. I went down there and damn near lost my mind those women are so fine. Those "Georgia Peaches" make a simple pair of jeans and a tee shirt look heavenly. They wear clothes that fit and look like they just came off the rack. I mean, those women look superb women they go out in public to eat or to an event.

And you know men love a woman's hair so, make sure your hair is looking good and smelling good almost all the time. Turn him on and keep his nose buried in your scalp with that good smelling fragrance.

Make sure you have on just the right amount of makeup if you wear makeup.

Let the way you walk be sexy sometimes - especially in high heels. That catches a man's eye too. Men love high heel shoes so much that some men can't resist having a pair of their own.

Be sure your finger nails are looking cute and sexy. A woman with ugly crusty jacked-up fingernails gives people the impression she's broke, sloppy, and dirty. It's just like a man walking around in old-ass jacked-up shoes that are not work shoes - it looks like his feet stink and like he's dirty and sloppy as hell.

Don't go out on a date with those crusty the clown fingernails. Take it all off or put it all on.

Some men might "friend" you after they find out you have kids. But, some guys don't mind kids. I've dated chicks with kids before. So did Ashton Kutcher. So, kids aren't a deal-breaker all the time.

Get to know the guy upfront as friends and see how things go from there. Most women wouldn't want a new guy around their kids early in the relationship anyway.

If you have be put in the "friend zone" after sex, then it could be that you're boring in bed or not as (fresh-smelling) as you think you are.

If your game is lame in bed, take your time, get to know one person, and be open to experimenting and practice. Learn to take control and have fun. Especially if you're married or engaged. Keep the excitement flowing. Sexual chemistry is often a big deal in making a relationship work.

We all know guys and girls can stink down there. I don't care if you're circumcised or UN-circumcised, I've heard enough stories about smelly men and women that would make a billy goat puke and a baboon gag on a happy meal.

Sometimes, a man or woman needs to get into a tub and soak in warm bubble bath for an hour or two.

I love it.

Try some various techniques for keeping your "personal stuff" smelling fresh and clean until you find what works for you.

You don't have to douche but there's gotta be something out there that works! Something is better than nothing.

Those guys out there that's smelling like cheese and sewage don't have to douche either, but they definitely need something to kill all of that bacteria swarming around between their legs. There are plenty of over-the-counter drugs for those bums so they have no excuse to be smelling like old-ass rotten eggs.

And, wash them feet too! That'll help keep you out of the "friend zone" also.

Did you know that you can turn a man on just by having sexy feet???

I don't know what it is about women with pretty feet and toes but it drives some men crazy! They love it. Hell, I love pretty feet myself and I don't even have a foot fetish. Or, maybe I do and I'm in denial. Hell, I don't know but I know if you put your pretty feet in a man's lap and ask him if he could rub them and massage them for you, he won't say no. If he does, you definitely want to get that area of your life taken care of to get out of the friend zone.

Anyway... (I'm getting off track here. I was saving that stuff for another post.)

Anyway...

There could be any reason a man might put a woman in the "friend zone". But, if you're constantly being blown-off, rejected, and dumped into the "friend zone", stop and take a good long look at yourself - your overall package. More than likely, there's something you're ignoring - or, some "fault" or habit you need to work out.

Even if all of these guys can't see how good you are, it's because you're not radiating how good you are.

You'll have more success and opportunities if you step up your game and work on the overall package. That's a guarantee. And, the time to start improvement is right now.

- loveqna

What Are Men Thinking When...

Okay, the weekend is officially here, and for those of you who are looking to improve your conversation skills, approach skills, and social skills, here is the first of two posts for this week.

And, I must insert this disclaimer: You all know that I'm not a "pick-up artist" or "expert", so (please) for "top-notch" advice, review one of those type of sites.

Today, I had a few other topics in mind to post but somehow I ended up surfing the Net and came across an interesting question (and "reality") on Yahoo I want to share with you.

You could call this a simple observation but, I think it's a real benefit and could take some of the pressure off of approaching some good prospects if you use your instincts and "read" them well.

The one thing I like about this post is that it CONFIRMS that men and women DO appreciate eye-candy and are checking each other out all the time.

The problem is: Women are just as much afraid of rejection as men are! So, most good people - who are good for each other - never meet.

And, no one is the blame. It's Fear on all of our part that keeps two good people from getting together.

So, Free Your Mind and Use Your Instincts and let Karma and Destiny take their proper course. There are going to be people out checking you out. And, some will want to get to know you. But, it may be up to you to step-up and invite them to experience your world.

Anyway... Here's the little gem that I discovered.

-------------------------------------------------------

QUESTION ON YAHOO:

What R men thinking in a grocery store, when eye contact is made with a beautiful woman?

Ok, Im walking in the grocery store, pushing that awful dreadful cart, thinking what do i put together for dinner tonight? I see a handsome guy pushing his cart, he looks me in the eye, no friendly smile, but I seen something there, in his eyes. And he looks away fast!. Ok, I know what Im thinking when I see a good looking guy(even an unattractive guy), Im thinking "hhhmm, wonder how good he is in bed?" I want an HONEST answer from those guys who know what im talking about. Come on ladies, you know the scenerial im describing, even those women with their hair tied in a knot, their so lady like and always on her best behavior, After all she is on the PTA. You wonder the same thing Im asking about.. Hey guys if you can answer this question. A whole lot of men will get dates in the grocery store line. You can be like one of those last minute items in the check out lane. Women will prob have alot more nerve to ask you out if she thinks your thinking what I think your thinking.
..................

Okay, after reading that question, I simply came up with a lot of thoughts I've had and comments I've heard other guys (and girls) mention.

But, you know how a group of guys are when they're together checking out a hot chick.

And, a group of ladies ain't no different.

So, I won't post all of the stuff I've heard.

But, all of it is not "dirty" or vulgar or perverted.

There ARE guys out there that love the way your hair looks. Or, guys out there that love your smile. Or, the way you dress. Or, your nails. All men aren't thinking "dirty" thoughts or fantasizing about seeing you naked. Someone may really be interested in getting to know you on a deeper level.

Sometimes, you can see what they're thinking in their eyes... Sometimes, you can see it in their actions or by the way they act when you are near.

But, I know it's hard for some of you beautiful women out there. You girls get approached, whistled at, and flirted with all the time, so, it's difficult to know who's "for real" and who just wants to get into your pants. Still, even a man who appreciates your beauty may want more with you than just sex. You just have to use your instincts to see beyond the B.S. or shyness.

But, let me move on before I get off topic...

Here's my response to "what men are thinking when they see a hot chick at a grocery store or somewhere out in public":

- "Damn, she's fine."
- "Damn, her hair is pretty."
- "Good Lord! Look at that booty!"
- "I know she's got a man."
- "Damn, what should I say?"
- "Damn, that bitch is bad."
- "Wooowe... that ass is phat."
- "damn, she looks sexy with what she has on."
- "good Lord, she smells good! I wonder what kind of perfume she has on."
- "I know I don't have a chance with her. Ain't no use in me even trying."
- "I know a girl like that ain't single."
- "that girl is hot and don't even know it."
- "she has a pretty smile."
- "Damn, she has some sexy lips."
- "Damn! How many kids has she got???"
- "Boy, I wouldn't mind hittin' that!"
- "If that was my girl, I'd never let her go."
- "damn, I don't know what to say to this chick."
- "wow... look at little mama. She's hot."
- "damn. she's workin' that thing. Look at her shaking that booty. she knows I'm lookin'."
- "she knows she's fine."
- "damn. I bet she's a wildcat in bed."
- "I wonder where her man is at? Is she alone? Is she single? Should I approach?" (lol)
- "damn, she has a sexy walk."
- "She's cute. I wonder what religion she is."
- "damn, she's fine. I wonder how old she is?"
- "damn, she has some pretty skin."
- "Where have I seen her before?"
- "I'd make her my wife."
- "Damn, something TOLD me to change clothes before I went to the store!"
- "ohhhh, I got to hollah at this chick..."
- "damn, she has a nice shape/body."
- "ohhh, I think she's checking me out. Damn... what should I say???"

You never know what's going on in someone's mind but these are a few of the things I've heard guys (and women) say when they notice a cute guy or girl out in public.

Now, the thing about these comments is obvious. People DO look and judge and WANT to approach you or avoid you based on your appearances. So, make sure you're smelling as fresh as daisies and looking "tight and right" when you go out to party and socialize.

No matter what your style is, just make sure you're representing class and style and what you're all about to the fullest.

And Have Fun! Be Approachable!

If you're interested, show him with a smile or a compliment - or, even a joke. Sometimes, that's what a "hunter" needs. So, be bold and put him at ease. And, he might have the balls to let you know what's really on his mind.

That's the way to get closer to that secret admirer who's checking you out!

- loveqna