Don't Be So Critical Of Yourself

A couple of weeks ago, I was helping this lady load some merchandise into her car. This car was a small sporty Lexus. She had a lot of stuff and stuff that was too big to fit in her little-ass sports car. I tried all kinds of adjustments to make the packages fit but at the same time, I wanted to be careful NOT to scratch the car or damage the merchandise. I said, "Ma'am, I don't think all this stuff is going to fit. These packages are kinda bulky."

She kept on piling the stuff she had in her hands in the car - not leaving me ANY room for my stuff (the stuff I had to put in there) - and said, "Oh, it'll fit. If I can get my fat ass in this car, I know this stuff will fit in there." We laughed. But, that ass didn't look half bad.

She was bootylicious.

She had to be about 40-something, but she was attractive, and thick. Now, don't get me wrong, she wasn't a "knock-out", but she had potential.

I think most people, when they get a certain age, lose a little bit of their confidence and are resigned to believe they aren't attractive anymore. That's how she probably felt, I'm sure.

You could tell she was a babe back in her day but she just let herself go. She seemed to have on an expensive business suit, but it was too big and a little baggy. You could still see that curvacious booty but she looked sloppy. Her hair was a mess. She looked like she just threw her make-up on that morning and didn't care where it landed. She had nice features so I'm not sure why she needed it. Anyway, none of that stuff was working for her at all.

Maybe she didn't care or maybe she was too busy to care. Or, maybe she needs a "style coach". Who knows?

But, I thought about what she said about her being fat and I didn't think she was all that fat. She had a little bit of a gut, but nothing a few sit-ups couldn't cure. Or, maybe a diet plan. Hell, maybe it was all that suit she was wearing. She had on so much material that she thought she was fat.

And that's what I want to talk about. Not fats and materials but people who have a negative perception of themselves and how they look.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that looks aren't important, because to many people (probably most people), good looks ARE important! Many people choose their mates based on beauty, height, body type, hair length, facial features, overall style, etc. Most people will tell you that personality is important - and it is - but they won't know WHAT your personality is like until they spend a few minutes or a few days getting to know you. THEN, your personality might be more important to them than how you look.

We ALL make judgments about other people based on their appearance. All of us don't do it all the time. But, there ARE times when we look at another person and believe they may be wealthy, snobby, poor, thuggish, honest, or a nerd. But if YOU'RE that person being judged, why should you give a damn??? DO You. Don't worry about what other people think about how you look if you're satisfied with it. Do you think that lady REALLY gives a damn that I thought she was attractive or that she dressed sloppy??? Probably not. But, she was self-conscious about her weight... Why??? Some people out there REALLY don't know how attractive they are. Do you know how many men (and women) would love to get their hands on a woman who's thick like that???

Now, it's good that she can laugh about it and keep going with her life, but I wonder if she doesn't feel romantically undesirable because of her weight?

Too MANY people out there worry about their weight. If it bothers you, then fine. Do whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself. But there are a ton of people out there ready to love you for EXACTLY the way you are - if you'll stop worrying and feeling shy because of your weight and body type. It doesn't matter if you're big, skinny, tall, or short, there are PEOPLE out there who fantasize about someone like you.

I've told you before: I see all kinds of couples with all TYPES of people matched-up together. Old and Young. Short Men and Tall Women. Fat and Skinny. Old and Older. Beauties and Beasts. Thugs and Princesses. Interracials. Gay. I see it all. Some ovem' DON'T look good together in MY opinion. But, they don't give a damn about the people on the outside looking in! Whatever THEY saw in each other is all that counts! And, there are people out there that will feel the same way about you as long as you're approachable or willing to approach them.

Let me say this...

You don't have to be extremely pretty to feel good about yourself.

Can you imagine how bad beautiful people feel about getting old? They really worry about it. Don't you know some of them get paranoid about wrinkles? The beauty industry right now is making a killing off of those people who are trying to save themselves from Old Age and Father Time. A lot of us regular Janes and Joes are lucky we don't have to have to worry about that crap. Well, damn near look the same all of our lives.

Too many people put TOO MUCH emphasis on their looks. Worried that they don't look good enough or that they will get passed over for someone who's prettier. It happens, but it doesn't happen all the time. YOU have to stand out and command attention with your presence.

Now, I mentioned all those negative things I saw about that woman with the little red sports car but... I still think she's attractive and desirable. And, I'm not saying that just because she has a cute face and a phat ass.

Although I didn't mention it, I liked her personality as well. It was sexy. She was funny and cracked a few jokes while she had me running around all over the place to hunt down all the crap she wanted to buy. She was confident in asking for what she wanted. She even had me go to the supervisor twice so that she could purchase some Christmas displays that we had and she never even blinked an eye at the price. (Of course, we gave her a discount anyway, but I'm just saying.) And, you could tell that the woman was focused and about her business. She was a go-getter and KNEW what she wanted. She said she had to make a few purchases, get it done, and get home, and that's what happened.

This crazy-ass broad even had the NERVE to park her car right in front of the main entrance doorway and come in to shop! When I went out to load that car up, I said "Damn! I know this crazy woman didn't park her car right here in front of the main entrance and come in here and start shopping!" But, it was her. And, she had to have been in there for at least forty-five minutes if not an hour! Any sane person would've found a parking space.

I could only laugh. You have to give a woman like that credit, because that shows she got spunk. She just didn't give a damn. Who in their right mind parks their car - BLOCKING THE MAIN ENTRANCE DOORS - to go shopping???

I don't know about you, but that's a real turn-on for me. I like a woman with balls - figuratively speaking. And so do a lot of other romantics out there. It's not always about what you LOOK like. Confidence and overall style will truly win out every time. Honestly, men and women notice different things when it comes to what they prefer in a mate. Some people will find you attractive based solely on your personality and potential. How you make THEM feel. Nobody has completely the same tastes and preferences in everything.

If you ask 10 different men what they prefer in a woman, you'll get 10 different answers. And some lists will be longer than others.

If you ask 10 different women what they prefer in a man, you'll get 10 different lists. And some will be longer than others.

If you ask 10 different people what they prefer in a man or woman, and all them give you the same answers, they either don't know what they want, or they don't have much experience. Because, as you meet different people, the list changes. It fluctuates and gets longer and shorter and longer and shorter as you meet and experience more people. People are attracted to different things.

Each of us has something that's stands out and is attractive to someone else.

There are INDIVIDUAL QUALITIES you have that makes you attractive too. You just have to bring those special qualities out. Many people keep their beauty hidden under a cloud of shyness, fear, and low self-esteem. They doubt themselves. Their lack of trust in others being honest makes them have no faith in themselves. They have a hard time finding true love because they quit before they even start trying.

If you're going to find Love, or if you expect Love to find you, the worse place you can wait is under a rock. You can't find it if you're hiding from it. It's like a blessing. You can't receive it if you're too afraid to open up your hand.

So, you have to bring those good qualities out where they can shine and radiate good vibes and attract good prospects for love, romance, and friendship. If there's something about yourself you don't feel good about change it! Or, at least change your perspective of it.

What do you do??? Whatever you have to do to improve your Confidence!

* Improve your social skills and conversation skills if you have to

* Stand tall and walk tall and FEEL Taller

* Realize that Beauty never guarantees you the Love, Desires, or Dreams that you're looking for

* Rememeber that Style and Personality is more important that Beauty

* Realize that Beauty has nothing to do with Sex-appeal, Style, and Class

* Remember that Beauty never guarantees Happiness or that you will come out on Top

* Realize that Intelligence and Style are very sexy too

* Speak up and speak from your diaphram - be aware of this at all times

* Realize that everyone is not judging you

* Realize that everyone will face rejection many times in their lives but the winners and people who are most happy are people who keep on trucking and enjoying life

* Take heed, and remember that being cute doesn't always make you special - at least not in everyone's eyes

* Associate with people who respect you and who make you feel empowered

* Associate with people who WANT you to have fun and have a good time

* Do the things that make you happy and that keep you entertained

* Travel - locally and out of town if you can so you'll be well-rounded, in the know, and have more to talk about and offer

* Stay in the know - keep up with news (family, community, work, local, national)

* Be sure your style fits your personality

* Get a new hairstyle or facial hairstyle if YOU feel that will help

* Learn how to cook - everyone appreciates someone who can cook and it's a good topic

* Remember: Life is about situations and it's how you deal with those situations that makes you a winner or loser - DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE YOUR KNOWLEDGE

* Get in the habit of saying "NO" to deals and requests you don't like or agree with

* Use positive affirmations whenever you can

* Realize that ANYTHING you want to do well requires practice - this includes looking good for the public and your fans

* Have a major goal at all times - keep working towards something great and important

* Go to seminars or workshops that teach to improve your confidence or public speaking

* Stay away from people who make you feel inferior or who try to dominate you until you're strong enough to stand up for yourself or walk away without feeling shamed - tell them to kiss your butt and keep moving. Ignore it and DO YOU.

And I could go on for days I guess but it's not necessary. Open your eyes and look around. The proof that everyone loves a great personality is EVERYWHERE. The main thing to do is work on your weaknesses. What makes YOU feel inferior or critical of yourself? Get it out of your life!

That's what you should want to work on - CONFIDENCE and HAPPINESS. And, if you aren't working on that, then you MUST be happy with who you are. Now, all you have to do is let someone love you who's happy with it too.

- loveqna