Computer Love - Dating And Finding Love Online

Do you have a hard time meeting new prospects because you don't go out that often or because you don't have time to look (because you're too busy)?

Maybe you haven't found the love of your life because you don't know where to look or because you keep meeting poor prospects when you DO go to the places where all the good prospects are. That happens. Accept it.

The bums and bad apples are always gonna go where the action is so, you're always gonna have a mix of good, bad, and sorry-asses no matter where you go. You're always gonna have to sift through the lot of profiles to find someone you think may be compatible to you and worth getting to know better. It doesn't matter if you meet prospects through friends or if you meet prospects online.

It's like trimming the fat off of meat or separating good fruits and vegetables from bruised and damaged fruits and vegetables. You keep the good stuff and leave the bad stuff out. That's just how it is.

Have you ever thought about finding love online?

I know it can be scary. I know some people would be embarrassed to do it.

There are a lot of people that look down on those who look for love online. They think it's weird, pitiful, stupid, and dangerous.

I agree that it can be dangerous. But hell, meeting people offline is dangerous also.

Either way, you have to take your time and get to know the person you're talking to and take the necessary safety precautions.

And even after you get to know this person, you STILL have to continue to use your instincts and be careful because he or she could be living a double-life or playing you for a fool. There are some nuts out there. And liars. Online and Offline. So, you've got be cautious. Use your instincts. Watch closely and listen carefully.

A few years ago (before I met my last girlfriend), I met a few chicks online. I was a little bit wary in the beginning, because I didn't go through a dating service. I met them in chatrooms and I was new to the chatting experience.

I only met two of those girls in person. I could feel that some of the others were playing games. Some of them were liars. Some weren't girls at all. And, some were just as wary of me as I was of them.

One of the girls I met was a dingbat and wild as hell. I could tell right away she was a hoochie and only online looking for sex. I only talked to her for a few minutes in a convenience store parking lot.

The other chick was a slob. But, I should've known that by looking at her room in the background while we chatted.

We met at a restaurant then at a nightclub. She was thick and cute, but her and her girlfriend were flirts who loved to get drunk and party all the time. And, she had a little boy. And, after we talked on the phone a couple of times, I found out she was having baby-daddy drama. She was cute but I wasn't even about to get involved in that mess.

But, I know people who have been more fortunate.

Some people I've worked with at past jobs have met their sweethearts online and have gotten married. I know police officers who've dated women online. I know people who have traveled hundreds of miles to stay the weekend with their online lovers. I have a cousin who regularly meets, dates, and hangout with women he meets online. He lives in D.C.

He has even taken these women to his Mama's house! And, other relatives' houses. He's brought them over to the house where I used to live.

My Ex's daughter and her friends used to meet guys on Facebook and MocoSpace and hang-out with them.

I have another cousin who goes on dates with chicks he meets on Facebook as well. He also uses the phone chat lines.

I also see some of my former schoolmates (guys and girls) with dating profiles online. And, some of them are good men and women. Most of them have good jobs. A couple of them have their own business. They're good quality prospects. I went to school with these people. I've been to some of these people's houses. I've socialized with these people and know they wouldn't harm a flea. They're just looking for real love like everyone else.

And, these online dating services seem to be working out for many people as well. Eharmony says a lot of their "matches" end up getting married after dating each other for a while. And, there are other online dating sites that proclaim such success as well. Hell, I can't turn on the TV nowdays without hearing or seeing an ad for an online matchmaking dating service. I've probably seen "Christian Singles" two or three times today. So, this form of looking for love online MUST be working out for a lot of people.

Someday, it's probably going to be as common as shopping for a new suit or a new outfit. Those dating sites and agencies will be everywhere - online and offline.

The only online matchmaking services I REALLY worry about are those that "sell" mail-order brides. You really have to be careful on both ends with that type of service. You have brides that are scammers and con-artists and you have potential husbands that are domestic abusers. Or, they might lose interest. And, it could be reversed. Maybe the man is a scammer and the woman is an abuser. I don't know but anything's possible.

You have men out here who live thousands of miles away marrying women then harassing the hell out of the woman for her dowry. Some of those guys are con-artists with other wives they've scammed out of a dowry.

You have women that marry men so that they can get out of their country, then the woman runs away.

It happens.

Stop wasting time. Get out and meet people.

 But, worse stuff than this can happen offline in the "real world" (beta-space) too.

Any of this stuff (all of it) - this online love - you HAVE TO BE CAREFUL with, because it's like everything else in Life. It's all a risk. It's just like eating food: You don't know if it's good until you eat it, digest it, and live to tell about it later.

I fell in love with a girl online once.

She was a Filipina.

At the time I wasn't looking for anyone online. I was looking for business opportunities when my messenger rang.

I didn't even know I was connected, but I responded. And, we just started chatting.

She asked me why my status was "single but not looking" Then I told her about my recent break-up. The drama. And, how boring things had gotten.

She told me about her past relationship and how her Ex was leading her on and never intended to marry her. Then we began talking about relationship drama and sharing stories about our lives and our families. We talked about books, movies, news, interests, everything. We opened up to each other really fast.

Soon after that, we were calling each other on the phone.......

Okay, I don't wanna think about this anymore.

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If you decide to pursue an online relationship make sure you're ready for it emotionally and mentally.

Don't waste your time with it if you aren't going to (or can't) take it to the next level of physical contact and interaction.

If you're only going to be friends, you really don't ever have to meet. But, if you fall in love, you'll want to feel that person close to you. And, he or she will want the same.

Oh, let me warn you about this...

One thing I ALWAYS keep in mind: Make sure the prospect you're talking to is a person who is old enough to legally date you. I swear I think the cops were trying to set me up to talk to some kid in a chatroom. There were a few of us joking around in there, then one of the chatters started getting flirty and asking me where I lived and all that.

And like I said before, in the beginning I was always wary of people so I immediately said "I don't give out my personal info on the Net". But, this person was asking me about music and my age and if I were single. I didn't know about setting up my profile so it was blank. But, when I looked at hers, she was 14. I put her ass on "ignore". I didn't think about it being a "dangerous" situation. I just ignored her because what reason would I have to talk to a girl that young? And, it probably was the cops. So, make sure you're meeting guys and girls who are legally able to date you.

And these are just a few reminders:

Don't go online looking for love if you're lonely and desperate because you could fall prey to mind games and trickery from con-artists, players, manipulators, and bad people in general.

Don't go online looking for love unless you're prepared to be open and honest about what you want and need from a lover. And, make sure they're honest. Don't let him or her lead you on.

Don't pursue love with someone online if you and that person has different relationship goals. Some people are looking for sex, some for marriage, some for a friend to hang-out with (or so they say).

Don't expect much out of a man or woman with thousands of friends on a social network. Especially if that person is up there everyday. That's all some people care about - collecting "friends". They don't have time to talk to all of those people. What makes you think he or she has time to talk to you? YouTube is different because a lot of those people actually WANT to help others - with products or advice. And a lot of them DO respond to individual requests and messages. But STILL... They are busy as well or possibly already taken. Or, not interested in a relationship.

Depending on how far your love-interest lives from you, take into consideration how often you will get to see him or her. And, can he or she handle the distance as well.

Consider that you might have to travel by plane to see your online love interest. So think about saving and stacking some money.

There may come to a point where you think you've found your SoulMate and want to settle down. This may require a better job and money as well.

Well, there are all kinds of variables and things that could and will happen and things that you should be wary of.

The best thing is too research and use your good instincts so that you don't get played, used, and abused.

A lot of these online (Cyberspace) relationships don't work out - just like in "real life" (or Beta-space). Don't let it depress you, frustrate you, or deter you from using all venues - online and offline - to find the love of your life.

Don't worry about what other people think about you looking for love online - especially if they're single and don't have anyone to love. Nine times out of ten, the one who doubts is at home wacking-off because he or she doesn't have a partner to kiss and cuddle-up with.

It's a shame and a scandal some people have to live like that. Hypocrites.

Let me tell you this: I was in an online relationship and it could've turned into something special if I had been a little smarter and bolder. I regret a lot of things, but losing that girl is in my top 5 things I hate I ever did in my life.

Don't rush but don't ignore your options either.

What you're looking for is out there. You've just gotta keep "clicking" away.

And, whether you find it online or offline, the best of luck to ya'.

- loveqna