Find Your Alter-Ego And Get Rid Of Shyness

One of the best ways to improve confidence is through preparation for an event or situation. When you know (or sort of know) what to expect or what might happen, you don't have to think and worry about the unexpected. Your brain and instincts takeover and allow you to enjoy the moment. You know what's coming and what's about to happen so you don't feel anxious and nervous.

You become more engaged with your date (or friends)... And you're able to relax and have a good time.

Or, show off your "skills" and wit.

Or, ask better questions to get others engaged and talking.

Preparation is something you should practice often. It will make social situations become a lot more natural to you. And, you'll feel just as comfortable and have a good time like everyone else.

But, another way to improve your confidence and to get rid of shyness is by DISCOVERING and USING your Alter-Ego. We all have one - a fierce and courageous personality that roams on a higher level within our psyche.

A higher level of Energy.

A higher Force.

A higher Power.

A higher level of strength and confidence that we are able to tap into IF we are willing to move out of our comfort zone and face our challenges and tests in life.

Beyonce talked about having an alter-ego: "Sasha Fierce".

Other celebrities use their alter-egos to conquer stage fright or to deal with the public.

Some salespeople rely on their alter-ego to deal with strong-willed customers in negotiations.

Many ordinary people (especially the ones who go out to night clubs) have alter-egos that they call upon before they go out at night, because they want to feel confident and have a good time.

Actors, I'm sure, have an alter-ego (or maybe even multiple personalities) to get into their acting roles as superheroes or action heroes or as sex symbols.

There's nothing wrong with that. You should dig deep and discover yours.

Sometimes you have to get in the Zone and take your mindset to that next level if you want to conquer your fears - or a particular situation.

I'm convinced that a lot of guys and girls (women) out there could discover who they are in life or what they really want to do in life if they weren't afraid to be WHO THEY REALLY ARE. They've always been what OTHER people wanted them to be. They've always done what OTHER people have wanted them to do. Their True Self (maybe their true Ego) is hidden way way Way down deep within their psyche (or subconscious). And, they're afraid to let it out!

These shy and awkward-feeling folks are "out of touch" and afraid to approach and meet new people.

They're afraid to face certain challenges in life.

They only dream about the life they want and don't believe in themselves enough to make that life come true.

They need to say "Fuck it", and just go for what they want out of life.

Don't worry about being rejected or failing or making mistakes. Just do it.

Everybody makes mistakes.

Learn. Use your instincts. Do your due diligence and research so that you can minimize mistakes. But, don't let Fear keep you from moving forward or growing or meeting new people.

Use your Alter-Ego and boost your Confidence!

Sometimes it may take another person to bring out that extra boost and confidence you need.

It's possible a mentor can help you find your true self or your alter-ego.

Sometimes it might take a certain situation to bring out these emotions or the character and Power you need to change your life or boost your Confidence.

Don't fall into the "cookie-cutter" model...

Alter-Egos come in all shapes and sizes and colors.

Some are like Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft.

Some are like Edward Cullen, the vampire character of the Twilight Series.

Some are like Oprah Winfrey, the media mogul.

Some are like RockStars.

Some have the coolness and suaveness of the actor Denzel Washington.

Yours will be unique to You and give you the strength you need to be a true Leader.

You only have to find ways to draw it out.

And, it will be unique and stronger than you ever imagined.

Walk tall and let it overtake your senses, emotions, character, and personality. And when it does, hold fast to it and do the right thing for your life and for love.

- loveqna

Enjoy The Moment - Accept The Bad And The Good

The Script - Before The Worst



Video provided by - TheScriptVEVO

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Just got home from a Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by a friend and I'm a little tipsy, but I was just thinking...

This year has been great (one of the best years of my life).

But, it hasn't been all "peaches and cream".

I've been stressed out, disappointed, confused, depressed, overworked, almost ran-down by crazy drivers on the road, dealt with irate customers, seen some of my friends fired, missed opportunities... I've suffered some Trials and Tribulations! And, I'm sure there will plenty more where all that came from!

But, if I didn't have the blessings of making new friends and finding that job and having the health and strength that I have to write or ride my bike, I'd probably have a lot more trials and tribulations than what I've suffered thus far. I'd be broke as hell, homeless, and wouldn't have a friend in the world.

I know I talk crap about bad relationships. And, I can't stand drama. But, sometimes, the drama that you suffer is nothing compared to all the good and all the blessings that one has by being in a relationship.

These past few weeks, I've talked to quite a few old couples (mostly the men) who've been with their wives for at least 20-something years or more (up to 48 years), and almost every time I've asked these guys how long they've been in their relationship, they've responded with: "Too long." But then, they laugh. Most of them have admitted that their relationship has had its ups and downs, but all-in-all, they felt they had done the right thing by getting married.

Now, I know some men (and women) don't see any benefits of being in a relationship because of all the B.S. they go through with a tyrant, or a nagging loudmouth, or a lazy bum, or a manipulating jerk, but it's because sometimes these scumbags weasel their way into people's lives or because we Bring them into our lives. We don't see the potential drama or the negative side of this person until it's too late and we've committed ourselves. BUT! if there is real compatibility - and a connection - love and good times and real benefits can be had. But, I see from observing many of these younger couples that it requires patience and sometimes biting your tongue to avoid turning a difference of opinion (or an angry woman) into all-out War.

Now, I'm not saying that anyone should be a "kept man" or "submissive woman", but you have to realize that there is gonna be drama at some point when you're interacting with other people. Hell, you're gonna have drama in your life as long as you live on this earth. There's just no way around it. No matter who you're involved with! Even your SoulMate is going to rub you the wrong way every now and then and get on your nerves - or, do something you don't like. But, some things aren't worth fighting for or getting into an argument over. Some things are best to accept as B.S. or foolishness and just move on.

Now, Abuse! I don't think ANYONE should tolerate. If you're being abused and severely mistreated, Hell yeah, I think you should dump the relationship and leave the abuser as quickly as possible. Or, if you're not compatible and this person constantly gets on your nerves, maybe you should leave. But, if you can make your relationship better by putting a little more effort into it or by comprising or by being a little more patient, then you should give a little to get the love and benefits that you deserve. In the long run, it's worth it to have someone by your side that cares for you and wants to see you advance and succeed in life.

This year, I've been to several parties hosted by co-workers. And, at each of these parties there have been older couples in their 30s, 40s, and 50s (some in their sixties), and almost all of them live (or seemingly live) good lives. They have nice homes, cars, toys, hobbies to keep them busy, gadgets, good friends, good vibes going on, they travel, and some even have devoted kids. These are just a few of the benefits they've acquired by being together. I'm sure they have their ups and downs and drama in their relationship, but by sticking together, it's teamwork that has gotten them where they are.

Some people can't get those simple benefits by being alone. They spend their whole lives going in circles or going downhill because they don't have the love and inspiration (or Motivation) they need to move up in life.

Hell, even these single folks who are doing well in life might as well commit to someone... They can't escape the drama either! They get played, dumped, and have to deal with arguments and drama in their dating and on-again-off-again relationships.

Why grow old without Love and companionship only to have the state or someone strip all that you own from you and put you some old folks home where you'll probably end up all alone and "captive" anyway?

At least enjoy all that you can out of life besides a dog or a few cats or flowers...

Those people ain't getting no real Benefits!

Some of these people don't even grow spiritually. You can look at them and see it in their eyes and faces. They don't care about anything else except staying alive and keeping the world out of their lives. But, they're lonely as hell. That's why they desperately cling to those pets.

Don't DO that to yourself!

Sometimes you've got to walk through the Valley of Shadows Of Death to get to the Land Of Milk and Honey!

Don't be afraid of the drama. Hate it but learn to deal with it and conquer it, because you're gonna have drama in your life whether you want it or not and whether you're single or not. So, accept it. Be prepared for it. Fight it.

Hardly anything good in life comes without hard work and pain, we all know this, so don't fool yourself. Be prepared to take the bad along with the good, and get all the Love and Benefits that you deserve.

- loveqna

VIDEO - Red Red Wine - UB40

Some days I feel like "Dave Matthews Band"; Some days I feel like Bob Marley - Or, in this case, UB40...

Red Red Wine - UB40



Video provided by - emimusic

- loveqna

Why A Girl or Guy Didn't Call After You Gave Your Number

There are a lot of people out there who play games, and, a lot of people out there who don't know what they want.

Some of them get phone numbers for fun (or sport). Some of them get phone numbers and are afraid to call. Some of them will get a person's phone number and don't know what the hell they want to do.

I know dealing with these kind of people are frustrating - especially if you're interested, but don't lose any sleep over these bums. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that THIS person may be a player or a waffler.

Or, the timing wasn't right and there were no good vibes.

Sometimes people just aren't interested but they'll accept a phone number anyway just to be nice. I'm sure you've been in that position where you might get someone's number so that you don't have to turn the person down and hurt their feelings.

But, there could be any reason.

Maybe there was no connection. Maybe he or she was looking for "Love" or a spark and didn't feel it. Maybe he or she didn't feel you two were compatible. So what. Don't let it get you down. Go on with your life.

Sometimes we take an "encounter" or date WAY too seriously. Some of us "fall in love" WAY too fast.

Some people meet an attractive person who seems sweet, kind, and thoughtful. And, there seems to be a connection, and almost instantly - "it's love".

Half the time, it's only infatuation.

In reality, there's no connection, or chemistry, or we know so little about the person except that they have a good sense of humor. Most of the time, we've only known this person for a few minutes or a few hours. We don't even know him or her on a deeper level. Yet, we're head over heels in love.

Why???

Most of the time it's because there seems to be good vibes going on between us - like there's a true connection.

That first encounter is usually all jokes and laughs the first time we meet. Or, we're turned on by their looks or physical appearance. Or, he or she seems kind and thoughtful and treat us with respect so we think he or she is interested in getting to know us on a romantic level.

But, we don't know this person. We don't know he or she is really about. But, we're swooning over this person like we know all there is know about him or her. He or she could be a total asshole. Therefore, contain yourself.

Get to know this girl or guy and find out what he or she is REALLY about!

How many times have you met someone, fell in love, and later on the person changes and starts acting like a jerk?

It happens all the time.

He or she was probably a jerk all along and we just didn't see it. We only saw what we wanted to see. Or, perhaps, trickery.

What do we REALLY KNOW?

Not much.

So, why should you be so anxious about him or her calling?

I know you want to get to know this prospect better, but don't put your life on hold waiting for him or her to come running to you with open arms.

Move on with your life, keep doing what you do, and "see how things turn out".

I've sen guys and girls give out their phone numbers to people and check their phone every five minutes to see if the person they've given their number to has called. It's a pitiful sight to see.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't put a little bit of effort into the courtship. If you have the guy or girl's phone number, then call. But, if he or she is not showing any interest or making an effort to call you, why sweat it?

Move on.

But, let me list a few reasons why a prospect might not call...

Now, whether he or she is a player, a waffler, or just didn't feel any chemistry is important.

Use your instincts to see who or what you're dealing with.

A man or woman who's genuine and wants to get to know you will find a way to call no matter how busy he or she is.

But, the other types won't call if...

- they met what they believe to be a better option
- they're only getting phone numbers for sport or to impress friends with how many phone numbers they can get
- they heard something negative about you - found out you have baggage or issues
- he or she is a waffler and changed his or her mind about dating or getting involved - prefers to be alone.
- he or she is a cheater and had to destroy or lose the phone number
- the waffler doubts himself or herself as far as offering a good time
- doesn't believe you two are really compatible or felt no chemistry
- he or she found out a friend is also interested in you and doesn't want to ruin that friendship
- he or she is just testing his or her skills to see if you would give him or her your phone number (want to know that they're still desirable)
- they're just flirting for fun (teasing)

And, sometimes phone numbers get lost or don't get saved.

And, there are various other reasons why people don't call when they get a phone number. Every man and woman has their own reasons for doing what they do.

But, again: I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Nine times out of ten, there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes the timing just isn't right. Sometimes the "vibe" just isn't there. Sometimes people expect too much too soon. And, sometimes players and wafflers have a way of creeping into our lives.

Whatever. Move on.

If you see the bum again, act like you never met.

If they want your number again, play hard to get.

You ain't got time for these games and confusion.

Remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why play in the pond with toads?

Tell'em to kiss your ass.

- loveqna

Why Do Some People Think Being A Virgin Is A Bad Thing?

I know I should be updating some of my earlier posts in which I published only notes, but I have to comment on a subject I recently came across on the Net.

There was a 27 year-old woman on a forum who was wondering whether or not she would still be desirable if guys found out that she was a virgin. And, there are lots of people out there with the same "blessing" who are wondering the same thing.

And, I say (many people say), "of course a guy or girl will date you if you're a virgin". It's not like you have the plague or something.

A virgin might be inexperienced (and some people might not like that), but overall, it's not a bad thing. Especially, if you've been focused and moved forward in your life and have grown spiritually - or even started a career and have something to show for yourself.

If you've "abstained" to stay pure for marriage, that's not a bad thing either. But, you'd better be "skilled" when the honeymoon comes or else your love life is going to boring as hell. Maybe. (some virgins are closet freaks and sexual addicts waiting to explode)

Some men and women would actually prefer to meet a virgin and settle down with him or her because of the virgin being pure.

Some men (I don't know how women feel about this) would love to teach a virgin the ways of Love and how to make love. Maybe it's even a fantasy for some guys, who knows.

Many people also believe virgins are more likely to be faithful because:

Number One - They have already proven they have self-control

Two - Many virgins (probably most) fall in love with their first lover

Three - A virgin is not going to be tempted sexually by a guy or girl no matter how hot the guy or girl is

But, there's more...

Can you imagine how hard it is for a single guy with no kids to meet a twenty-one year-old (or older) woman with no kids??? It's like searching for a needle in a damn haystack!

Hell, you'd be lucky to find a 27 year-old who ain't a grandma nowdays!

I'm just kidding.

But, baby-mamas and baby-daddies ARE running rampant as hell around here, aren't they???

But, seriously...

If you're a virgin, it ain't nothing to be ashamed about.

Don't feel pressured or odd because of what your friends and family says. They're just teasing you and having a bit of fun. And don't let the haters and manipulators talk you into doing something you might regret. They just want you to feel their pain. If any of them could do it all over again, they would wait too.


The only people that don't get this are the ones who have sex but who have no common sense or wisdom about love. or, they have no real relationship goals. they're just going with the flow of life.

You're cute and have great character. That's a prize catch by any man's (or woman's) standards.

As long as you and your choice are compatible and know how to enjoy all aspects of Life (sex included), you're gonna have a wonderful relationship. Just make sure you have chemistry on all levels before you settle down.

Everybody knows that virgins rock.

- loveqna

Conversation Topics - How To Talk About Yourself

Yuck!

These Hi-Def TVs are sweet, but have you ever seen the actors and actresses on one of these things??? Some of the women I thought were hot - really look terrible... These TVs show off all of their flaws and everything! Thank God for makeup and lighting... It helps a little.

I hate this TV.

Anyway...

Here is another conversation tip to consider when you're out on a date or talking on the phone or socializing with a group of your buddies this week.

Talk about yourself.

- what good news (or bad) have you heard lately and how do YOU feel about it

- what is the funniest thing happened to you this week

- what is the weirdest thing you've seen today

- have you thought about cooking anything lately or learning how to cook

- do you have a dilemma

- are you sick and tired of working at your current job

- have you had any ailments lately

- are you thinking about going back to school/college and getting a degree

- have you had poor customer service lately

- is there a place you hate to go because the employees are "ghetto"

- did you hear anything interesting on radio show this morning

- has someone offended you or pissed you off recently because they are a jerk or deceitful

- have you thought about going on a diet or working out

- are you planning a trip or vacation

- have you gotten a good deal on anything lately

- have you been to any new restaurants or stores lately

- do you need ideas for a gift to get for a friend or your Mom or someone who's sick

- are you sick and tired of being treated like dirt by a friend, your boss, or your mate

- is someone trying to manipulate you

- have you caught someone in a big lie recently

- do you feel you're being overworked at home or at work

- is one of your family members or friends or children involved in drama that you have to help solve

- have you been overcharged or sold a defective product recently

- what do you remember about the good old days

- is there restaurant or venue or event that you miss going to

- who is your favorite team and what do you think they'll do this year

- have you heard anything shocking about anybody lately (scandal; death; dating; termination)

- do you have any exciting plans this week

And, you could go on and on and on...

Remember, many statements about yourself or your life are like "bulletins" that tell people what you got going on or how you feel or what your plans are or what you're thinking. Your preferences. Whatever. And, it's not always a bad thing.

Sometimes, talking about yourself can spark a good conversation about a specific issue or dilemma the person you're talking to is having. Maybe you could help them solve their problem or give them a chance to vent.

Maybe you got a good deal on food or gas. Who wouldn't want to know about that???

With these types of conversations, you could easily move from small-talk to deeper levels of thought and on to even deeper levels of conversations that can bring about a connection and understanding between you and a new prospect - or your friends and family.

And, don't feel too shy to do a little trash-talking about how good your favorite team is or how you overcame an obstacle or how you got a hook-up on a sweet deal. Be excited. Enjoy the things in your life every once and a while. It's only when people go on and on and on about themselves or what they're doing, that sickens others. The key is to read other people's interest (from their eyes, body language, and responses).

And, I know I'm wearing you down with all of this yappin' and jibba-jabba that I'm doing right now, so I'm gonna let you go.

Take care and don't be shy!

Have Fun! That's the key.

- loveqna

What Are Men Thinking When...

Okay, the weekend is officially here, and for those of you who are looking to improve your conversation skills, approach skills, and social skills, here is the first of two posts for this week.

And, I must insert this disclaimer: You all know that I'm not a "pick-up artist" or "expert", so (please) for "top-notch" advice, review one of those type of sites.

Today, I had a few other topics in mind to post but somehow I ended up surfing the Net and came across an interesting question (and "reality") on Yahoo I want to share with you.

You could call this a simple observation but, I think it's a real benefit and could take some of the pressure off of approaching some good prospects if you use your instincts and "read" them well.

The one thing I like about this post is that it CONFIRMS that men and women DO appreciate eye-candy and are checking each other out all the time.

The problem is: Women are just as much afraid of rejection as men are! So, most good people - who are good for each other - never meet.

And, no one is the blame. It's Fear on all of our part that keeps two good people from getting together.

So, Free Your Mind and Use Your Instincts and let Karma and Destiny take their proper course. There are going to be people out checking you out. And, some will want to get to know you. But, it may be up to you to step-up and invite them to experience your world.

Anyway... Here's the little gem that I discovered.

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QUESTION ON YAHOO:

What R men thinking in a grocery store, when eye contact is made with a beautiful woman?

Ok, Im walking in the grocery store, pushing that awful dreadful cart, thinking what do i put together for dinner tonight? I see a handsome guy pushing his cart, he looks me in the eye, no friendly smile, but I seen something there, in his eyes. And he looks away fast!. Ok, I know what Im thinking when I see a good looking guy(even an unattractive guy), Im thinking "hhhmm, wonder how good he is in bed?" I want an HONEST answer from those guys who know what im talking about. Come on ladies, you know the scenerial im describing, even those women with their hair tied in a knot, their so lady like and always on her best behavior, After all she is on the PTA. You wonder the same thing Im asking about.. Hey guys if you can answer this question. A whole lot of men will get dates in the grocery store line. You can be like one of those last minute items in the check out lane. Women will prob have alot more nerve to ask you out if she thinks your thinking what I think your thinking.
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Okay, after reading that question, I simply came up with a lot of thoughts I've had and comments I've heard other guys (and girls) mention.

But, you know how a group of guys are when they're together checking out a hot chick.

And, a group of ladies ain't no different.

So, I won't post all of the stuff I've heard.

But, all of it is not "dirty" or vulgar or perverted.

There ARE guys out there that love the way your hair looks. Or, guys out there that love your smile. Or, the way you dress. Or, your nails. All men aren't thinking "dirty" thoughts or fantasizing about seeing you naked. Someone may really be interested in getting to know you on a deeper level.

Sometimes, you can see what they're thinking in their eyes... Sometimes, you can see it in their actions or by the way they act when you are near.

But, I know it's hard for some of you beautiful women out there. You girls get approached, whistled at, and flirted with all the time, so, it's difficult to know who's "for real" and who just wants to get into your pants. Still, even a man who appreciates your beauty may want more with you than just sex. You just have to use your instincts to see beyond the B.S. or shyness.

But, let me move on before I get off topic...

Here's my response to "what men are thinking when they see a hot chick at a grocery store or somewhere out in public":

- "Damn, she's fine."
- "Damn, her hair is pretty."
- "Good Lord! Look at that booty!"
- "I know she's got a man."
- "Damn, what should I say?"
- "Damn, that bitch is bad."
- "Wooowe... that ass is phat."
- "damn, she looks sexy with what she has on."
- "good Lord, she smells good! I wonder what kind of perfume she has on."
- "I know I don't have a chance with her. Ain't no use in me even trying."
- "I know a girl like that ain't single."
- "that girl is hot and don't even know it."
- "she has a pretty smile."
- "Damn, she has some sexy lips."
- "Damn! How many kids has she got???"
- "Boy, I wouldn't mind hittin' that!"
- "If that was my girl, I'd never let her go."
- "damn, I don't know what to say to this chick."
- "wow... look at little mama. She's hot."
- "damn. she's workin' that thing. Look at her shaking that booty. she knows I'm lookin'."
- "she knows she's fine."
- "damn. I bet she's a wildcat in bed."
- "I wonder where her man is at? Is she alone? Is she single? Should I approach?" (lol)
- "damn, she has a sexy walk."
- "She's cute. I wonder what religion she is."
- "damn, she's fine. I wonder how old she is?"
- "damn, she has some pretty skin."
- "Where have I seen her before?"
- "I'd make her my wife."
- "Damn, something TOLD me to change clothes before I went to the store!"
- "ohhhh, I got to hollah at this chick..."
- "damn, she has a nice shape/body."
- "ohhh, I think she's checking me out. Damn... what should I say???"

You never know what's going on in someone's mind but these are a few of the things I've heard guys (and women) say when they notice a cute guy or girl out in public.

Now, the thing about these comments is obvious. People DO look and judge and WANT to approach you or avoid you based on your appearances. So, make sure you're smelling as fresh as daisies and looking "tight and right" when you go out to party and socialize.

No matter what your style is, just make sure you're representing class and style and what you're all about to the fullest.

And Have Fun! Be Approachable!

If you're interested, show him with a smile or a compliment - or, even a joke. Sometimes, that's what a "hunter" needs. So, be bold and put him at ease. And, he might have the balls to let you know what's really on his mind.

That's the way to get closer to that secret admirer who's checking you out!

- loveqna